After three days of muscle spasming

After three days of relentless muscle spasming, my right leg is now completely wrenched out of the pelvic girdle, leaving me in constant, gasping pain. I can't walk--I can only drag my leg clubfoot style. Hurts to even just lay in bed. On top of that, I got some psychotropic in me makes it nearly impossible to do anything--nauseated, want to lay in bed and cry. Cry with pain, cry with frustration (GODDAMN IT, CHRISTIAN MOTHERFUCKERS, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO BE FREE OF YOU AND YOUR STUPIDITY, YOUR ARROGANCE, AND YOUR ABUSE? Do I have to die, then please God, put me out of misery and let me die). It's clear from my dreams that once again, stupidass, unspiritual, unfaithful Christians are claiming ownership over my life, reducing me to a slave. I cant believe their stupidity. Honestly i cant believe. Saturday, at yoga, while I suffered and struggled for over an hour to stretch out muscles, and actually had to lie down in pain for over 15 minutes, one of the sorryass Christians (the kind for whom the gospel is a model for self-effacement of personality, rahter than self-actualization of personality) turned to me and said, "don't you feel so much better now?" I wanted to go off on her right ther. "yOU GODDAMNED STUPID BITCH...HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID? Use your eyes woman--Anyone with two eyes in their head, anyone attuned to reality can see how much i am suffering and struglging while on these goddamned drugs." But self-effacing, "nice" "pietistic" types who join Opus Dei, and say the rosary and go to the Church, guess what--they are not attuned to reality at all, because their faith is not of the spirit but of ideological personality brainwashing. That is not my faith, my understanding of the gospel or the witness of Jesus, so please you stupidass fucking idiots, keep those pietistic lameass, pathetic wannabe human beings away from me, and especially when i am in this kind of pain. Because when i am in pain, my tolerance level for stupidity, inanity, and , self-effacing fembots who don't have any idea of what the spiritual life is about, goes from medium level to low, and I will snap. Dreamed that once again the Christians (should say conservative Catholics) are trying to force their own reality on me. It is not my reality. I am not allowed to live my reality. And I am keept drugged to make sure that I don't write out my vision of reality, because they cannot handle reality, they cannot the truth, they cannot handle a deeply spiritual person who falls contrary to their expectations, tthat is, a sexually active lesbian. As for me, I am sick, sick with the fiery pain of a wrench leg, sick with the headaches and nausea of whatever drug I am on, sick to the point i cant read, write or clean house, or take care of details. i just twant the goddamned world to end so i can go into oblivion instead of living this hell that i smy life.