I finally figured out what the weight gain

I finally figured out what the weight gain and the feeling of being "miserable in my own skin" is about--the goddamned Catholic fascists have actually pulled my thyroid medication which basically has severely slowed my digestion to the point of near stoppage. It's not completely stopped, but it is so sluggish that it feels like it. That is why my stomach is so bloated and feels so heavy (making me feel like 've gained 10 pounds instead of four pounds. It took me a while to recogize it, because I so instinctively try to accomodate my body's limitations and needs, so that I haven't been eating regular meals, but have been eating and snacking on tiny portions at a time (all the while wondering what is messing my appetite, and feeling guilty that I keep eating--my calorie input is about the same, if not less, but I just am not able to eat regular, well-balanced meals. I am dyspeptic (that is the word that comes to mind, tho' I'm not positive if that is the correct word. My stomach feels like it is perpetually rock heavy and trying to digest, and I feel some kind of backup (GERT?) going on clear up into my esophagus. Also, my hair has turned to lifeless straw and I have acquired huge bags under my eyes. My skin has been getting dryer for some time (vitamin D) for some time now, but now it is getting positively ashy. Fucking goddamned pigs thinking they can just jerk me around on their goddamned drugs with their goddamned agenda. Sadly for me, they are on their celibacy high horse again. I found long blondish/gray hair in my bedroom. I don't know who it belonged to, but I was pissed. The only hair I want to find in my bedroom is a medium-sized black (Hispanic) strand. These religious zealots, through their ignorance, have made my life hell for years, and continue to make it hell. More than aything else, I want to find support, love and encouragement from someone who recognizes and accepts me for who I am, and guess what Christians--it ain't you!!! I've had a small number of people who for years have truly accepted, loved and supported me. I know who my friends are, and who my detractors (enemies is too strong a word). Yesterday I was hit while driving on the freeway. My truck suffered minor damage to the passenger door, but I couldn't be angry at the young driver who was apologetic and had made an immature error in judgment and action. I was supposed to see Dr. Huaman yesterday, but even though I made it to her office, I was discomobulated and in muscular pain and tension and she wanted to reschedule. That is a metaphor for what is really going on. Well-intentioned spiritually immature people are out hitting my personhood and self identity, making it difficult for people to enter the passenger side of my life. I briefly (like for a long second saw Dr. Huaman) but got a charge of joy and happiness which I haven't experienced in a long time. I don't know what my future will bring, but I know what gives my joy, encouragement, hope, and a feeling of "home" and "family". I also know what I truly need to be healthy, productive, and creative, and that is being in a stable committed relationship with another lesbian. I am sickened to the death of the celibate frauds who have stolen years of my life and made it a living hell. AND THEY STILL ARE DOING IT!!!!! That is why I am miserable with this heavy, painful belly and lack of digestion (why pull my thyroid meds? So they can try another round of psychotropics to try to turn me into the religious, celibate plaster zombied saint of their immature dreams). I also find the back pain (caused by the accident) metaphorical for the never ending pain and suffering I've endured at the hands of these immature spiritual juveniles. Getting more practical, I need to do something about the back pain. I wish i had some pain killers or flexiril, but all i have is yoga and a heating pad. There is nothing the medical profession or chiropractic can do. I just have to work out the tension and pain. Fortunately I think i can do a little yoga today. What I REALLY want, and the body REALLY needs, is to feel loving hands massage out the pain. But I am denied that what I most need--physical, intimate, loving touch, and so I suffer through another day of pain and misery, wondering if i am going to suffer this shit for the rest of my life....LEAVE ME ALONE CHRISTIANS!!!!