Monday, May 17, 2010
Head clear but body and spirit still tired and depressed
Head clear for the first time in days, but body and spirit still tired and depressed. I don't know if I still am being given some additional psychotropic like Depakote, or if the body is just completely wiped out and flattened from being yanked around from one drug to another, and is just responding to the vampiric implants that suck all the life and energy out of me. I can feel the implants in me by the weakness in my arms and legs (in my last yoga class on Saturday, I couldn't even hold my body up with my arms in plank position) and the constant, "hating-life" headache with my eyes slitted to keep out any stimuli. Well, okay, maybe I'm not in a recovery state, just a better state than the last two days from hell. I'm trying to listen to music to pump myself up, but there is no energy. I always know how fucked up I am when I cannot even respond to music. I'm pretty fucked up. My house is a wreck, total wreck. No matter how bad I feel, I need to move--just so hard to move when everything is so hard and dragging. Got to try to shake to clear out energy meriians.