Continuing setbacks in my attempts at Ascension. I am afraid that there is more bad karmic history coming to light. Richard the Lionheart forcibly clitorodectimized his wife, with all the excruciating pain and agony that entailed, because he was enraged when she mocked him for being gay. Of course, the wife was an incarnation of Linda, so it just is more of the same misogynistic hatred for the feminine that mars Osiris' otherwise virtuous character. Even worse was a new revelation regarding Charlemagne. I knew that he was bad news when I saw a photo of his potrait, and recognized a deeply evil face. How evil? Really, really evil. Charlemagne was a satanist, a real hard core follower of the Beast of Babylon, who sold his soul for power to the Merovingian sea serpent cult. Of course, that always damages one, and the memories that are coming up reveal that he slaughtered innocent men and women in villages, primarily because he was having a bad day and wanted to see some suffering to make him feel better, and secondarily, as a satanic sacrifice offering.
I am overwhelmed by all the negativity and evil in my past lives. I had to get away from it all, if only for a few minutes. I mean, how much apology, regret, and contrition can one person experience for all the evil done in over 12,000 years of incarnational history. Of course, I am sickened by it all. More than anything else, I want Linda and I to be restored in freedom to see out and redeem our relationship, so that our tortured history is no longer the ritual centerpiece of satanic mythology. I do not believe in the killing of innocents, and I understand fully the terror and hardship that Charlemagne thrust on those people. I don't even need to go medeival European to understand that--how many movies have I seen of American GI's lighting Vietnamese homes on fire, or the bombed out wrecks that much of Europe had to live in following WWII?
No, I am sickened by the whole current cosmic setup, in which the overwhelming majority of people feed evil by needless suffering. There is always going to be suffering, but needless suffering, contrived suffering, suffering to feed the demonic appetite for emotional pain--that is what I cannot bear, and what must stop. The next door or so to me are a group of young White satanists--yes, I can tell by their eyes. Their job is to harass me by being loud and inappropriate as they walk by my door, and banging their doors loudly, etc. However, it was disturbing, because the images of Charlemagne committing innocent murder, excited the whole lot of them. I could feel it, though I myself could not see the memory, though I wish I could, so that I could really experience the horror of it all Nothing really mystical about the contagion of evil that swept up the gang of satanists--I used to feel it in prison, after a vicious assault or race/gang riot--it is Satan running up and down the nerve centers of all those who are compromised by him in any way, or God forbid, are possessed by him. I was followed to the elevator by one such satanist, and saw his eyes--gleeful with excitement and delight and possessed by evil.
Now, I have been stalked by evill so long that I am not as intidimated as some might think--though very, very wary. However, I tell you this, so that you understand the enemies that currently pursue me. I am realizing though, that these satanists claim me, because too many of my incarnational experiences have revolved around hatred--especially hatred of feminine power--which is why I now suffer in a body completely uncongenial to my psyche and termperment. For that matter, it explains why my own clitoris has been repeatedly exised by the KaBal. However, even one satanic incarnation (and I think it closer to 2 or 3) is too much, and the evil that Charlemagne did can never be undone, but only wept over. Does my incarnation as the harassed and persecuted Prophet Jeremiah, trying to hide the Temple treasure, and secret books of the Qabbal, so that they would not fall into apostate, evil hands, undo the damage I did as Rabbi Antonio, the Venetian, and his book on how to make a pact with the devil?
You know, I am glad that I can see all these lifetimes. It truly is a gift for me to recognize so many, though I wish that there were fewer negative ones. No matter what, I know that this gift of recognition of the fullness of my 3D incarnations is a blessing, but the more I learn, the more I know that I have to break free of this interdimensional predatory trap, and do what I can to free others. I am NOT a hater, no matter the actions of my previous lifetimes. Maybe if I had been born in the body of a male, I would not feel so keenly my past misogynism towards women, but I am one of the strongest supporters of the feminine that I know. I see where the KaBalists are doing their best to reignite the race hatred and wars of the 1960's. You know, the race tension in this country is one of the reasons that I voted for Obama in 2008, even though I already had a correct bead on his character, and in spite of how highly I regarded McCain. But I thought, I hoped, that the more senior politicians could guide him towards the best, while his election as a Black man in a country with a slavery/racist heritage, would do more for Black people and racial relations than all the affirmative action in the world. Well, I think I was right. Yes, I had to bite my lip to vote for Obama, but a small, little sacrifice on my part, mirrored the overall sentiment of the country (and yes, haters, Obama really did win that election), and I really think it is going to yield results. The satanists may get all excited over racial tensions and try to exploit them, but I think that they are going to fail.
This is what I do constantly, even if people cannot see or recognize it. I try to do the right thing, even if it is personally challenging or difficult for me, and I hope that it bodes well in and bears fruit for the future. (Oh, and just to be clear--there is nothing "sacrificial" about my wanting to be a Black man. That vision actually gives me a great sense of fulfillment and satisfaction--it is who I was, who I am, and who I am meant to be). So, I have to continue to fight for my future--this never ending struggle for my soul is really wearing on me, but the consequences are so huge--Grace help me to persevere and win this battle, not just for me, Linda, and our children, but for all the poor satanically abused, who have been victimized by my unwitting, ancient rage and barbaric actions as one of the primary ritual templates for the most odious and evil of human cults--that of Salusa's (Lucifer's) satanic brotherhood of the Beast.