The fighting never ends--not only do I need to fight against the evil of the world, but I have to continually fight for my own self identity and health. As you can probably tell from my most recent posts, life is currently very intense. I am trying so hard to ascend, yet have to buck over 13,000 years of reincarnated lives, and needless to say, along the way, I have accrued some very bad karma. Furthermore, thanks to reptilian genetic engineering, I am endowed with two sets of consciousness, as I have two distinct male DNA memory lines informing my consciousness--one is reptilian, and the other is Pleiadian. While attempting to ascend last week, I uncovered a couple of memories--that of Black Elk, and that of Wowaka, the Indian who tried to get the Indians to dance the ghost dance, which led to the slaughter at Wounded Knee. Now those two are contemporaries, so that tells me that there was more genetic manipulation--twins, whatever, going on.
So, life is rough, but along the way, I continue to encounter obstacles like the KaBal trying to murder PF, or this morning, the realization that the Black community which is trying to help me ascend so that I can join their ranks (WHICH IS WHAT I WANT!), actually had high level "flipped" spies in their midst, which were planning to turn me over to a terrible fate. The plan was to get me to ascend to the ship, then the rebellious junior leadership would abduct me and turn me over to negative Faction 2 forces in Egypt, where I would be interred alive in one of the Giza pyramids, with a grandaddy reptile, who probably is the real ranking ruler of this planet--though there may be one or two more.
I don't know if any are familiar with the Stargate movie, in which RA, a malevolent entity of consciousness, needs a human body to experience 3D sensation. Well, that is what this reptile wanted me for--a slave body to house IT's consciousness, and to have my emotions on which to feed. Oh yes, people, all that ancient alien technology that the security agencies use to control other humans and events, comes at a price--their own subservience to the reptiles. They have to keep grandaddy scaly legs alive and happy, and I was to be the bait.
Now to be fair, I think the Black turncoats involved in this plan were very small fry. The Faction 2 KaBal has been very involved in Egyptian current affairs, ever since their man, Mubarak, was deposed, and they do everything in their power to undermine Egyptian patriots, which for right now is primarily the high ranking Egyptian military. They have created all kinds of chaos in Egypt, and they are responsible for the election (almost certainly rigged--as only the technology of Faction 2 can do it), of the new President, the Muslim Brotherhood candidate, Morsi. My intuition tells me that Morsi knew of this reptile in the pyramid, and is fully allied with KaBal Faction 2, to keep that ancient reptilian rule residing there, in full control over Egypt and all the planet. My guess is that the Black Americans who got sucked into this plot hold devotion to some Muslim community, and they allowed their patriotic sense to be overruled by a fundamentalist religious allegiance.
In any case, their complicity was dealt with swiftly by their Black brother psychics, because within a half hour, I was helping them, and local Egyptian forces, in an interdimensional fight to slay this reptile. I knew this reptile was exceedingly dangerous to humanity, and has done severe occult damage to this planet, probably since the time of Moses, so that the only option was to kill it. However, I had a problem myself. The night before I had been force fed major estrogen, once again, and so I was so weak that I found it difficult to hold my meditation for interdimensional work. As I have said before, I am not consciously aware of interdimensional travel. Instead, I meditate, with as empty a mind as possible, and this really is not easy as it looks. It involves more than sitting there with eyes closed, but demands intense concentration, and I have been doing it for 4-6 hours a day, now, for the past few days while I try to ascend.
I also have been constantly trying to purge my body of these MACHINE RA parasites, which involves coughing up one bug at a time--again, a lot of work, so I was already tired. However, the low testosterone made it nearly impossible to stay focussed in meditation, even though I knew the extreme gravity of the situation. Not only was that reptile a danger to humanity, it was an extreme danger to me--no doubt, the order was out to every Amon RA faction--1,2, vampires or Nazis--that grandaddy scaly legs wanted fresh meat--ME! So I kept twisting and turning, trying different positions, laying down, sitting, etc, before finally falling into a state of catatonia, which enabled me to complete the deed. The snake is now dead.
I was invited to a party afterwards, and certainly, I am tired of fighting constant battles with no victory celebration, so I let PF talk me into going, even though I was exhausted. It was a combination of no sleep the previous night, fasting from food for over 24 hours (except for a cookie), the low testosterone and high estrogen that had me weak, sick, and unable to focus, and the nerves caused as a result of having to stalk and fight such a dangerous creature, when I felt so ill. However, I was game to at least try--after all, these are the people with whom I desire to work and live out the rest of my life. I don't think it was a success--on a good day, a party requires high energy from my autistic self, and already I was tapped out. So, I returned home, frustrated, because I cannot ascend, because I was so sick with high estrogen, and angry, because I had to fight a monstrously dangerous creature, when I was weak and ill, because some damned idiots got it in their stupid head, that I am their female toy thing--much like "grandaddy scaly legs" did. It is hard enough fighting monsters, without being handicapped like that.
I recognized that I was in a foul, low-energy mood, and quick learner that I am, I have learned that PF is always able to pull me out of those moods with sex, because the sex raises the testosterone level and restores my sense of frustrated, outraged, handicapped manhood. So, I asked her for assistance, and she obliged. I left the sex act feeling a whole lot better, especially after knowing that she was pregnant again, no doubt with a daughter, because as I told her, "there was no way my lackluster libido could have created a son", as I had a couple of nights ago.
Even though it felt good to have even a moderate level of energy again, it didn't take long for me to get a chip on my shoulder. I went to do a little computer surfing, and there was yet another White supremacist stalking me. I forgot to mention that a couple of nights ago, the Whites decided to give me an arbitrary "nose job", giving me a pinched nose, like a Rockefeller. It infuriated me, just as it did when Faction 2 turned my skin yellow, without my consent. I did not agree or consent to that nose job. I want a Lemurian/African nose, just like my mother has, not some pinched, Rockefeller nose.
I am tired of people playing every conceivable kind of game with me, and then deciding that they know who I am and what I want. Hell, I don't even go to breakfast in the morning at this hotel, because that particular floor is aligned with the White community, and I want no part of them. NONE! They are the ones force feeding me estrogen, making me feel ill, and they could even have gotten me killed today, because I certainly was not on top of my game. I DESPISE the way they see me, I HATE the mutilated feminine body imposed on me, and I especially ABHOR the entire feminization forced on me.
You want to know a big reason why I identify with the Black community? Because Black men know what it is to have feminization forced upon them, since racism cannot abide a strong Black man. So, at an early age, too many Black men fall into a passive role, afraid of being the "intimidating, criminal" Black man, or an aggressive role, "because goddamned it, I am a man, and I want to be treated with respect like one". I understand exactly how they feel. I understood it, even when I was happy with my female body image, when I counseled Black juvenile felons. It is clear the extra burden that they have to carry, and I had encountered it, too, though I had made a successful psychological adjustment to my female phenotype.
However, the brain changes and the mutilated body, makes any kind of accomodation to a female self identity completely impossible, and I no longer have the physiological minimum to go through 10-12 agonizing years of grueling psychological work, for a self-acceptance that I know is a total lie. So, yeh, on a bad day, when the stupid assed KaBal, throws a bunch of estrogen at me, I will vacillate between passivity and anger. However, I have to be careful, because it is all a setup. If I become angry, my spiritual vibrations drop, and then my only path for ascension will be with really negative characters--the vampires, etc. I am not a really negative character--just extremely frustrated at the neverending abuse I have endured for years, now.
On the other hand, if I give these KaBal characters the slightest of encouragement, they misunderstand and misinterpret. I want nothing to do with the White interdimensional community. I have always identified with the oppressed, the despised, and people of color--how much more so now that I have suffered for years now, a slavery in which I have been denied my most basic of rights--that of self-identity, and now a forced and unwanted feminization of my manhood.
It seems like the fight just never ends, and sometimes, like today, when my vibrations did drop, after being stalked by a White supremacist, who belonged to the faction that nearly killed me today with their estrogen drip, I get discouraged. For I cannot allow a momentary mood to destroy my future, my soul, my happiness, and my goals.