Finally, I understand why I am in Hotel MATRIX hell--I am one of the "fallen angels", a Watcher, specifically, the 13th one, Bezaliel, who fell to Earth as part of the Luciferian rebellion. I have not been able to find much info on this fallen angel, but from my incarnational history, my guess is that my sin was powermongering or a lust for power. In so many of my incarnations, I have brought hardship on the humans of the Earth (Nimrod, Tigranes, some of the Roman emperors, and Alexander the Great), by bringinging the Amon RA serpentine viruses to Earth, and helping to institute it as part and parcel of this world's political institutions.
I spent two days coughing up over 2,000 of those parasites, and I still have dozens, if not hundreds inside of me. I beat my breast black and blue, trying to kill them and cough them up. I think they are strung out, as if on a line, inside my torso. I kill the one on top, and another takes its place. At least, now I understand why all of these occult viruses made me ill. It was/is my own conscience rebelling against and rejecting what I helped to bring about in this world, IN A MAJOR WAY.
So, for all the fundamentalist haters out there, if you want to crucify me, come and get me. It would be better than being an immortal, lifelong slave of Amon RA devotees--whether Faction 1 or Faction 2, for the foreseeable (10,000 or more years) future. I have to say that it won't wipe out the evil that I have done, nor prevent its recurrence.
You know, ever since I got to Honolulu, and have been experiencing this MATRIX HELL, I have been very worried about the saints of the Earth. You see, in this interdimensional MATRIX HELL, there are very few real people--it is mostly holograms who play games to get a real human to emote, to feel anger or sadness, or love, and then they feed off that emotion, without returning it back. So, for instance (and this is a mild example that I experienced), I am sitting in a chair, in a hotel desk, while waiting in line, when a little "boy" of about 3 or 4 comes up and gives me an imploring look. I immediately stand up, and say "here, you sit, and I will stand", but when I looked at that boy again, he was not real at all. It was a malevolent entity occupying a hologram, trying to get an emotional rise out of me, love, compassion, guilt, on which it would then feed, because it has none of its own. You see, the mystics and sages have it all right--the only REALITY is love, and in the human 3D world, there is an interchange of love. Had this happened in the world, the boy would have fed me back gratitude and appreciation, instead of being an energetic vampire. Without this energetic interchange, a person't love will get tapped out very fast. I know, because I have been feeling it. The other option is to alienate one's self from all the games, but being alienated from an alienating reality is still hell--read "The Stranger".
I always wondered how Jesus could go from being a great Lover in 33 A.D. to the Emperor Hadrian in the 2nd century. Well, I think the answer is that he spent a lot of time in between incarnations in MATRIX HELL, getting all that love drained out, and hardening his heart to the alienated reality around him. Of course (oh, think about this, too, fundamentalists), Jesus was of my same fallen angel lineage, but though he contributed greatly to uplifting his world through love, he still failed to completely redeem his fallen soul. I don't have time to penetrate the mystery of this, but the point that I want to make is that he didn't spend three days in hell, after his death--more like years, while he was slowly drained of all his genuine, hard earned love, that he developed over his 33 year life span as Jesus of Nazareth.
That is the future that I am facing now, as well, unless grace or a miracle intervene. As I mentioned a couple of posts back, I know that the plug will not be pulled on me. My only option for death is suicide. Otherwise, I stay a ghost slave of the evil Amon RA KaBal in interdimensional reality, until I am too tapped out to be of any further use to them.
However, suicide offers real hope. If I die, there is a possibility that I will enter the reincarnation cycle once more. No matter what, I am "special" and can contribute to humanity in a future age. The problem is that the MACHINE has my number, and as IT has done on so many other occasions, IT can control my rebirth, so that my chances of developing into a loving, virtuous being are very minute. Or, I can hope that after 13,000 years, I have truly learned my lesson, and that the karmic gatekeepers of the universe will see this. I do not want any more part of the fallen angel rebellion. I am truly sickened by all the negativity that I contributed to this planet, and I think that is why the viruses make me so ill. Already, the Amon RA bugs are making their way back into my system, via the contaminated food I eat. Yesterday, I could do a down dog; today I could not-- already, the energy is leaching out. My clear head and vision from yesterday is gone, and I have a congested head of excess fluid--not to mention, that it creeps me out to feel those bugs crawling in my head. The bugs do help with telepathy, though, and this is how so many young, idealistic people get hooked into the occult. I am here to tell EVERYBODY--you do not need the Amon RA slugs to enter interdimensional reality. Go the slow, honest, virtuous way of love, meditation, and discipline. The Amon RA bugs are a soul death trap for all, and body death trap for most--the worst part is that the soul stain stays on your consciousness for hundreds of lifetimes, so that even Jesus could not break free in his afterlife.
As for me, in this lifetime, the hope I have is just karmic timing. The reign of evil, of Faction 1 (the "9") and Faction 2 (the "13") is over, and the Patriots of the world and universe, are in mop up operations. The curse of Atlantis is finally lifed--there were 13 original tribes, of which one, a sentient bird species, was exterminated, leaving 12. Faction 2 holds on to the original council number, while Faction 1 just holds on to the "White/Asian" tribal members. Faction 1 blames the tribes of "color" and "mixed African/White" heritage for the Fall--ie, for opening up the gates to the reptiles. Specifically, they blame the Cat Sirians. First of all, if that is true, then it is time to forgive and reconcile. Cat Sirian hybrids had absolutely nothing to do with the Fall. However, the more I think about it, the more I suspect that whoever opened up the gates was either a KaBal clique, comprised of multiple tribes, or the Faction 1 tribes themselves. In other words, it was a FALSE FLAG ACTION, designed to divert and falsely place blame on one clique, when in reality, members from multiple cliques were involved. In short, the Fall of Atlantis paralleled 9/11, and the Cat Sirians were the Muslims. Yes, there were CAT Sirians involved in the Fall of Atlantis, just like there were Muslims involved in 9/11. However, 9/11 also had Dick Cheney, and multiple administration officials, rogue Israeli Mossad, rogue American security agencies and top military officials, international bankers and CEO's, all involved in this nefarious plot. Needless to say, nobody has been waterboarding Dick Cheney for his role in the plot. So, lets stop scapegoating entire ethnic groups for the actions of individuals.
Of course, I am to blame for the Fall of Atlantis as well. Was I council member of the 13? Yes, I think so, because of my connection with the crystal skulls--which are connected to the Atlantean council. No matter what, I am responsible, because as a Watcher of this planet, my duty was to protect Earth from outside invaders, and because I "fell" to Earth, I was not at my post, and the reptiles came in and walked all over the humanoid race (the Atlanteans are mostly now what we call Sirians).