Another day in hell coming up

Another day in hell coming up--woke up with sick migraine (went to bed with sick migraine), increasing catatonia, locked up muscles taht make it difficult to move, and an inability to turn head or open eyes. I suspect lithium. but I cdont know. I am too fucked up to care. am drinking coffee to try to get ridc of headache but can tell this is goin to be another lost day. funny thing tho inside, ib ecome more more committed to inner freedom and contemptuous of these assholdes who do this to me . anybody out there who is truly on the spiritual paath, this is not about conversion, this is about coercion, and any religious institution that does this to a human being deserves to burn to the ground. llooks like they will be taking me with them. too sick for any of my ujsual comforts to work. all i can do is lay down with sheet round head and wish for death. I cannot believe that a person could suffer so much and still be alive. Come Lord Jesus, take me home, or free me from these b astards. tired of suffering.