Another nite from hell

Another nite from hell--feared i was having a heart attack. severe pains in heart area. hurt to breathe. kept hoping it would come. knew i wasnt to seek medical help. knew i just wanted to die. any thing to get me out of this hell-pained, luciferian enslaved body that i cant even bear to look at anymore. but here i am woke up--totally fucked up. too sick for any yoga--God what a waste of money my gym membership is. also in severe pain. my right leg which now is as fucked up as my left leg has constant shooting pains that cause me to cry out in pain. has permanent pain that i can feel right now from where the leg is fucked up from trying to walk when the implants are destroying nerves. feeling catatonic once again. can not do brain wave. can not do anything. i had hoped to take some of some business today--maile off some forms but am too fucked up for anyting. if i feel like this tomorrow i will have to cance my assignments ofn the 24 and 25. all i want to di is cry--cry over the pain, cry over the depression, cry over the futility that is my life. i long to die with every intention i send to God i ask for death. maybe i am being force fed some psychotropic that is making me suicidally depressed, but the truth is that it has been a long time since i woke up happy to be alive...mustn forget the other symptom--involuntary muscle spasms an jerks. very difficult to sleep when body keeps involuntarily spasming. even now my body is doing the involuntary spasm dance--every time brain pulsates. only thing that helps this lots of alcohol or vicodin.