Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Fucked up on drugs again
Fucked up on drugs again--nauseated, migraine, can barely see with whatever fucking psychotropic the goddamned church people are flooding me with now. Obviously the stupid patriarchal Christians misunderstood my spiritual excrursion last nite. They still think I am one of them. WRONG. We may share some agendas and values, but I have left your fold forever. People of faith and deep spirit are my peers; that leaves out most Christians, and especially the ones who put their clinging expectations and goddamned drugs in me. I know that I am being deceived and manipulated by wolves in sheep clothing. I am just unable to do anything about it. Nor can I find real community and support and intimacy. So for right now, more of the same old shit that has gone on for nearly a dozen years--ghoddamned christians who I despise are abusing me for their own immoral agenda. One day I will be free. Not today. Nor tomorrow. God help me survive. I can't stanmd it. I am so sick of being used and drugged. These patriarchal fuckers just dont get it. They never will. That is why I want nothing to do with them. God help me persevere.