Friday, May 22, 2009

"I miss my life"

"I miss my life"--I couldn't bear to watch Farah Fawcett's self-eulogizing documentary. It is too similar to my own life. Instead of cancer, I constantly fight the pain and suffering caused by the psychotropic drugs and implants. Right now, my head hurts so bad, I just want to explode it so I don't have to feel any more. Im so goddamned nauseated and sick with whatever the fuck I am force fed that even bed becomes a hateful misery. It is another holiday weekend, and again I am alone and suffering, struggling to find small victories from the constant pain and misery. I have to find something to keep me going through this never ending suffering. I know that evil at the highest level is trying to coerce me to conform to their plan for a hostile takeover of humanity. I have to resist. I just wish I could have one person hold me, love me, or try to make this goddamned headache go away....just for a while. But there is no one or nothing, at least tangibly. Send me someone God to help me. This suffering is too overwhelming. I am like Elijah in the desert, remonstrating with God to let him lay under a tree in the desert and die, "I am attacked, and the only one left because I am zealous for the Lord my God." An angel came and fed him to strengthen him. I could use an angel God, at least give me some strength to carry on when life is so hateful and miserable.

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