Thursday, December 30, 2010

First morning after my entire facial structure has changed

First morning after my entire facial structure has changed--walloped by the most intense pain and nausea migraine headache I have felt in years. It was so bad that all I could do was go back to bed and lay down for an hour, hoping I wouldn't vomit. I tried to make coffee--caffeine helps the migraine, but not only was I too sick to drink it, but I was too sick to even keep my eyes open. About 1/2 hour ago, I was able to take a fiornal (thank God for fiornal), and have a bowel movement (really big deal with migraines--if you can poop, you will feel so much better), and now, I am up, though still barely functioning--finding it difficult to move, turn my head, or process information. I am supposed to go to the dentist in about 3 hours but I don't know if I will make it. I think the infection in my lower jaw feels better, but I'm still too sick to test it out with liquid, food, or a tap to the most sensitive tooth. But before I get up, I want to post this entry, even though I am going to do something I rarely do--propose hypothesis for which I don't have sufficient evidence and clarity in my head. Considering how ill I am, I don't know if I will ever be able to seek clarity. It is going to be hard to type, with my left arm bothering me as much as it does. I woke up this morning, with my left arm totally dead and numb. I was able to move it, but not feel it. I took off my sweatshirt and started massaging it, and it was ice cold. The fuckers really have done a number on my body with their incessant mutilation and butchery. It is moving now, but still the nerves are really messed up and bothering me. So, I have to type fast.

Let me start out by talking of my hacked dream last night--I know and identify, machine-implanted, fake dreams now with ease and near certitude. They are as important as my real dreams, for they tell me the lies the luciferians want me to believe and assimilate. I dreamed my mom was telling a young man that sex was overrated and unnecessary, that she was a Hispanic woman, and had had four children without enjoying sex. In my dream, I knew she was pushing celibacy on the young man.

First of all, I realize now, that my mom in my dreams is not only an agent of the luciferian machine and the "religionist" proponents who would act as the machine's human enforcers, so her presence tells me something itself. Sadly enough, my mom didn't enjoy sex. Unlike the cultures which physically castrate/cliterodectomize women, so that they never enjoy sex, the religionist Hispanic culture (and many other tradiotional patriarchal cultures) try to destroy women's eroticism and sexuality (and thus their full, joyous, adult, spiritual humanity) through an internalized sexual shame. Let me say, as an aside, that from a human and truly spiritual perspective, mental castration, via psychological shame, is a lesser evil than the horror of childhood physical castration. As a liberated, feminist woman I have never been devastatingly crippled by sexual shame, and so the motherfucking jesuit pigs have castrated me--first in my manhood, and then in my womanhood--all in an attempt to destroy my Personhood.
Why? Well you have to understand the warped, pathetic mind of a celibate religionist. They purposely deny and destroy their own sexual and spiritual life in an attempt to gain some perverse power through religionist domination. They know, IN THEIR ALIENATED MINDS, that the greatest gift and purpose of the human is to create in cooperation with God, but they are capable of creating nothing, neither physical progeny, nor spiritual life and well-being, in any form of transmission, whatsoever. So they engage in a perverse parody of fundamentalist "creation", which is nothing more than destruction. Thus, they have tried to engineer me into an acceptable projection of their own pathetic deadness. They cannot appreciate the rare (but by no means singular or unique--sorry, fundies) beauty of a hermaphroditic being, so they destroy me. To be honest, there may be something to the concept of a hermaphrodite being "supersouled", but again it is not unique, especially in these transformative times of Earth--multiple children are being born in hermaphroditic, semi-hermaphroditic, and intersexed bodies. This is not a negative or shameful state of being--this is a graced, and possibly, more holistic state of being. But the nazi/jesuit/religionists don't recognize God's grace or appreciate the diversity of God's gifts. In their warped minds, they are subsumed by the mythological presentation of God and creation in the bible, and more than anything else, they want to be God (all-powerful, and creating--because they have given up their own powers of creation to serve the religionist agenda and the machine), so they try to "create woman" from Adam (the hermaphroditic being). But they are not God, and I am not a woman, though socially and culturally, I identify as one for convenience. Still, that is not enough (no matter what they do, it will never be enough, for their actions are not creative or fulfilling, even to them, in the slightest; they are purely and evilly destructive). Now, they want to "create" an avator, a (false) Christic or divine figure--for the idolatry of the portion of humanity they wish to sacrifice. Poor, unlucky me--I am the "chosen one" to be spiritually destroyed by them, so that they manufacture an idolatrous feminine avatar.
(left arm is going numb again...I will continue this later.)

Sigh...I definitely am going to have to go to the dentist. The infection seems to have disappeared, but I realized after eating breakfast, that for the first time in years, my TMJ has flared up, and is definitely starting to hurt in its numbing kind of way. FUCKING GODDAMNED ASSHOLES--there is not much pain worse than the goddamned TMJ--and its already starting...

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