Went to bed at 6pm and woke up at midnite

Went to bed at 6pm and woke up at midnite to avoid any kind of lunar eclipse abduction. Might as well to save myself the trouble, as I realize that the real big abduction happened night before last, and I don't think it was by the luciferians or reptilians. My body continues to be abducted and mutilated without my consent. Noticed today that my hands were different after reading an article about finger digit length. This is something I have checked before, so I was shocked to find that my ring finger had lost about a quarter inch overnight! This may not seem a big deal but it gets worse--I've lost muscle tone in my arms. I cannot flex my forearms muscles as I used to. Emotional loss that. My sister used to love to watch me flex those muscles and I tried to teach her how to do it, but she was a pudgy couch potato, and just couldn't get it. I used to look at the muscle flex and think of her. Now I don't have that ability to flex anymore either. Nor can I make a difficult dulcimer chord that used to denote the range of my fingerspread. The first thing I did when I saw that my ring finger had lost length was get out my dulcimer, and my God, I coudn't make the chord. That is the goddamned worst part about all this fucking shit--NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do those fucking alien bastards do anything to enhance my beauty, my strength, my self-esteem, or self-image. They just take away, and leave me feeling worse and worse. I notice that my upper back feels better and should be grateful, but I'm not--it just tells me that I will never get my beautiful body back--and all they can is mutilate further to make the rest of my fucked up, hateful life a little less cumbersome. For THANKS TO THE GODDAMNED REPTILIANS/LUCIFERIANS, they caused major problems when they removed my ribs--for the remaining rib cage couldn't accomodate the natural born musculatrue God gave me. I haven't tried, but I'm sure that I lost even more strength. I can no longer stand to even look at, feel or be in my own body. I feel like Kafka's protaganist--waking up to find I am a giant cockroach. My own body is an alien to me. I have lost all erotic sensation, my strength, my beauty, my femininity, my masculinity, myself. I think that the goddamned pigs may have done more hormonal changes for yesterday was a really weird day, with me suffering once again from the feeling of autism and so fucking sick that I couldn't function. I need testosterone to motivate me to move and to function, and without it, the viral downloads completely incapacitate me. I knew yesterday something was really wrong, when the viral download hit, and I became so incapacitated I couldn't do anything. Fuck the goddamned dishes. My house is a mess, but I was too sick to do anything. I also was having to poop a lot---this is another autistic thing but it only happens to me when the fucking pigs are messing with my hormones. As it is today, good news (I guess--I don't ever have any good news anymore), is that I was not abducted. Bad news is that I have lost all joy, all energy, all motivation to live life. I am not going to fight anymore. The fucking pigs have turned me into their version of a true female--just a lump of flesh to abuse and mutilate while they project onto me whatever the fuck they want. I have no desire to "ascend", to interdimensional travel, to do anything except die and end up this fucked up incarnation that is nothing but sheer helll. I want it over...I realize I may be on drugs--I put on music to wake me up, but I realize im not feeling the music at all---that it is just bugging me--usiuallyu agood indication i am on drugs. but drugs didn't fuck up my muscle tone and my body---that is never coming back.