Crying all Memorial Day

Crying all Memorial Day--nop doubt the jesuit satanists are rubbing their hands hinking im on the verge of some conversion--assholes have never known me, still dont. crying because of wasted life--wasted life in wars, wasted life in the Gulf, and most of all, my own wasted life--as I am too goddamned sick on psychotropic drugs to do anything. Cant read, write think, enjoy life or others. Cant clean house or focus. I dont know what they have me on now, but i am not only in severe pain but high as akite and not in physical reality at all. had to walk to grocery a couple of blocks away for tylenol pm. have to haave it. in too much pain at nite, and am out. it felt like it took hours to walk to store, not in reeality at all. wasted life while these fuckers rape my mind, destroy my body and violate my free will. id rather die fighting than living out thes hell.

so fucking drugged not functional

so fucking drugged not functional. can barely keep eyes open. hands swollen and shiny from all the fluid in body. so goddamned depressing to be so fucked up. cant clean, cant read cant bike cant fucntion. Last nite i suffered from the brain/nrvous system rushes that make it impossible to sleep. everytime one hits it jolt the entire body awake, drives me crazy. i wonder if im on lithiu,// lithium causes it. dont know. just know im so fucking sick and miserable, imso sick of being sick and miserable all the time. . left arme dead.

After a day of feeling human, drugging starts again

After a day of feeling human, drugging starts again--not in reality. Not able to maintain thought or process reading. this is a big issue when so many things are happening and I cant follow and process things through as they happen. Leads me wide open to error which i was on north korea. so much going on right now in the world. i need to pray for our country our (true) leaders, our Gulf coast lands and residents, our wounded Mother Earth. Instead, I am so fucked up im not able to do much of anything. Drugs also makes my rotate outwrdly, fucked up my legs and nerves. LEgs numb, severe outward jpronation in lower back makes lying down normally impossible. I DONT HAVE A NORMAL LOWER BACK PHYSIOLOGY YOU STUPID FUCKS! The goddamn downloads are destroying my body. unabe to do much yoga. just want to go to sleep.

After hell nite

After hell nite trying to recover. Pain from last nite unbelievable. now im still in pain but im so goddamned drugged as to be barely functional. severely autistic. in the inusrance office, i had to change chairs. the cutout they had of a waving woman actually looked like a real woman to me, with real emotional affect that was impacting me. God help me. I am so fucked up on these goddamned drugs. just want to end it all. especially the goddamned pain.

PAIN PAIN PAIN

FUCKING PAIN FROM GODDAMNED IMPLANTS BACK SO FUCKED HEAD FUCKED UP ANKLE INFECTED NOFEELING IN LEG OR FEET. MAY LOSE FEET DONT CARE I WOULD BLOW MY BRAINS OUT RIGHT NOW IF I COULD. THIS PAIN IS UNBEARABLE. I WILL TAKE A WHOLE BOTTLE OF TYHLENO. ANYTHING STOP THE GODDAMNED PAIN

Don't know what they have added to the mix

Don't know what they have added to the mix but I spent last night in agony , not able to breathe and with painful spasms. My belly keeps getting worse, more and more distended with bloat, and downright painful to touch. I've got the stool consistency that says migraine, and i can feel it in the back of my head and neck, along with the nausea. Whatever they are giving me is really messsing with my stomach, and it hurts. I cant live with kind of belly pain much longer. I am trying to do yoga, and work out but everything, eve the simples of tasks is so hard.

Finding it difficult to breathe

Finding it difficult to breathe as muscles are spasmed to point of locking--torso, ribs feel like an iron maiden. Cervical spine really stiff an bothering me. think it is the aftermath of accident. Hard to hold head up. thesepeople dont understand i dont have a normal body or brain . they are dstroying me with this shit. need to lay down in pain.