bad getting worse

bad getting worse. very sick with nause migraine. cant open eyes. cant bear to the stimuli. too sick to even keep my eye s open to drive to see dale. talked to her on fone. she ahas quit as yoga instructor at df. its been a long time coming, but leaves me without a yoga class. too sick to care right now. havent exercised in over a week. am gaining weight. want to try to do something, treadmill for ten minutes but am too sick. head weighs fifty poounds. what am i goin to do, i cant gain any more weight but too sick to do anything but lay in bed with eyes shut. house filthy mess. too sick to clean. too sick for anythin.

Torture

Torture--the one word used to describe my oppressed situation sounds so simple, no one word can ever delineate the hell i am goin thru. i read of jacquet molet being burned at the feet till the flesh slid off the bone. that is the kind of torture thisAFUCKING SATANIC PIG RATZINGER is doing to me. unlike bro jacques or sister joan of arc, ii know better than to recant. unlike them i know of a religious community in which human beings have rights and dignity, not like the medieval catholicism ratzinger wants to restore or the islam that the opposing evil faction bows to. nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHINBG can stop my hatred of the evil spirituality which is torturing me thru brain chemicals which make sme sick beyond belief. soon i will die, i almost did once before and i ve allready made up my mind not to fight it. you fucking pigs should let me go, because as long as i can breathe, u r my mortal enemy and i will fight uy. its alreadyu spinning out in head. jus ttoo goddamned sick to do anythin.

Godawful sick

Godawful sick as now I am convinced the goddamned sli and opus dei, and all of their fucking nsa cia buddies are doping me once again with lithium. Having major problems with memory, even simple things. Hurts to open eyes==recognize a symptom from the woman with the ischmeic brain stem tumor--literally hurts to open and move eyes. I Took two diamox. knew it had lithium on them but was so desperate to get rid of the fucking bowling ball on shoulders. head weighs over fifty pounds. body to sick to be able to move. exercis, yoga, or bicycle out of the question. Time to start writing tho. Only way this shit is ever going to end, or at least people know my side of the story.

7 days of migraines--the last two

7 days of migraines--the last two days nonfunctional. even now cant open eyes. brain stem being strangled. God to go to dr. why i guess they r trying to get me in psych hospital again. i have no hope. dreamed last nite of Sr Pat of SLI --my fucking God, those sadists just wont let me be. Maybe it is my fault--i looked at their web page the other day--check it out every 3 or 4 mos to see if God is answering at least one of my prayers--that those sadistic, warped pieces of shit never destroy another life as they destroyed mine. maybe God is answering prayer--too sick to go into it. but unfortunate side effect--these deeply spiritual but even more deeply warped people continue to monitor and attempt to influence my life. i just want to lay in bed, and gain more and more fucking weith. cant even wear clothes i bought that fit a week ago. as far as they r concerned, the fatter the better--no sexual tempations that way. Fuck you assholes and fuck everything you stand for, including roman catholic church. terhe are people who have true spirituality and true regard for me, no matter how successful your diabolical campoign has been. unfortunately for me too sick to rejoice at whatever little freedom i claim

Another gray day

Another gray day in May as I wake up and see the sky blanketed by the poison of the chemtrails that have destroyed Earth's once beautiful, blue sky, and now are diligently working to destroy our minds and free will, in essence, our very humanity. Once again, they are trying to manipulate my dreams, and once again, they failed. However, they have succeeded in making me sick with migraines, excess csf, excess fluid in my joints and knee caps, and a feeling of being so fucking wired that I can barely function. but as long as I can express myself, I want to say hell no. Hell no, I won't be one of your fucking sold out robots. I am a human being, and I would rather die an early death as a human being than live in the fucking miserable satanic hell that you are preparing with your chemtrails and brain implants. It hurts to keep my eyes ope, I want to write more, but I am too fucked up on their goddamned poison. My back hurts too muscles all locked . Hell of a day. I pray God for release. Get these evil demons out of power of our lives. Please.

Face badly swollen

Face badly swollen with csf, and massive headaches. I tried to go for a little hike the other day, but they just turned on the brain implants, making me sick. I realize that there is nothing I can do that makes my life enjoyable and meaningful. I have to suffer this hell until God gets me out. Don't feel well--drugged up

Two days of migraines now

Two days of migraines now--unable to treat it because I have to hoard the fironal i have since i cant get any medical help. Head is very heavy with excess csf. tried yesterday to walk but couldnt because i am too fucked up on whatever is going on. going to be another just try to get thru day. I long for a lover, a friend, just some one woman with whom to share my misery, my suffering, my pain, my constant struggle against the goddamned religious and mib torturers. no one to help me in suffering. no meds to help with pain. life is hell. wish it were over.