Coming back to my spot (I don't have a home, except wherever I lay my head) on Earth, feels like I have returned from a funeral. There is a big, huge empty hole where PF used to talk to me--even if I did spend the first six months steadfastly ignoring and raging at her. Now, that she is gone, I know how much I miss her. My trust level is at fucking zero--though kudos to the Black psychics for at least attempting to try to protect me.
It was a miserable ride home. I am some kind of fucking drug--probably THE SAME FUCKING GODDAMNED LITHIUM THE PIECES OF SHIT KEEP FORCING DOWN MY FUCKING THROAT, and it totally has alienated me from reality, though I wonder how much of my loss of all emotional energy and affect is related to my genital mutlation, and loss of nearly all sexual sensation. Anyway, I know I am on drugs, and I know it is FUCKING GODDAMNED FACTION 2, WHO IS FORCING IT DOWN ME, because some Asian was sitting across from me on the flight from CA. Dammit, if very soon, I am not going to despise these Asian occultists with the same contempt I have for White Nazis (saw some of them too).
What the fuck do I have to do, you fucking goddamned faction 2 pigs, to get you the fuck out of my life? You don't fucking get it. I FUCKING DESPISE YOU AND EVERY FUCKING THING YOU STAND FOR. TAKE YOUR GODDAMNED DRUGS AND SHOVE UP YOUR GODDAMNED "CHINK IN YOUR ARMOR." Fire me, goddamned it--whatever the fuck you think I have to offer you, you are fucking wrong. While you are at it, get rid of this fucking Amon-RA spider that is giving me sick headaches and causing severe vision problems.
Anyway, if it wasn't three in the morning, I would be screaming this, while I wait for the vicodin to slow my CNS enough to stop the brain rushes, so that can get to sleep---I got some stupidass psychic trying to get my attention, WELL I AIN'T FUCKING INTERESTED.
No, I won't sell out, or quit. It is not my nature, but I will not open up again, until I am in the company of PF. I am sick and goddamned tired of being jerked around by psychics, and I refuse to respond to that shit, anymore...