Psych-opped--I am enduring the most elaborate deception that I could not even imagine in a million years. I finally figured out who is shape shifting into my "mother" and her "husband". It is the same old Vatican stupidass motherfucking piece of shit goddamned asshole celibate priests. If I sound pissed, you better believe I am. Feel better already--boy did I need to let that anger out.
For you see, the goddamned fuckers got into my head, pretending to be PF, and I engaged in psychic sex with a total figment of my imagination. Except that it wasn't my imagination--it was some goddamned Jesuit priest playing "doctor". I am truly sorry, PF--apart from my anger at this egregious, unbelievable act of abuse, what I feel is dirty and ashamed--as though I cheated on you. Mostly, though, I am just lucky I didn't end up plugged into the fucking MACHINE.
But you know, let me say, PF, and all the world. I knew something was off when I engaged in the psychic sex. The intensity was not there. I had to struggle to enjoy the sex act, and ended up masturbating. Guess what--I have NEVER had to masturbate when engaged in sex with PF. To be honest, I wanted to "get off", because as I haven't had an orgasm in months, because I suffer from crippling headaches caused by these implants in my brain. As I told PF, "I feel like I've gotten laid, but not off". I wanted to get off, and I did, but I did not get laid.
What was missing was the sweetness of psychic sex with PF, the joy of psychic sex with PF, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, the afterglow that follows it. The fundamental rule of the spiritual life applies exactly as it does in the sexual life---if it is a valid and holy experience, you feel good about it afterwards; otherwise you feel yucky, depressed and/or angry.
Well, the half dozen or so times that I had psychic sex with PF, I always felt so alive, so energized, so filled with holy spirit afterwards. Today, I just felt dull and depressed, with a massive headache, but mostly the kind of lethargic drag down, that is a sure indication to me that satan or lucifer is having a field day in my unconscious.
I am not sure what kind of alternative Matrix I am in--it feels surreal, and though I was told that it was Mars, I cannot trust any voice I hear, for my initial impression was correct--I am surrounded by evil--the most profound kind of evil--the ones that would lie and deceive AND PRETEND TO BE ANOTHER PERSON'S CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE MOST INTIMATE AND VULNERABLE OF ACTS.
Well enjoy that stupid ass, fucking charade, you pieces of shit---that is the last one you will get from me. And whatever the fuck you put against my sacrum, GET IT THE FUCK OFF. I KNEW it was an evil spirit pressing up against me, yesterday. I let my guard down today, but it won't happen again. And guess what, you stupid ass motherfuckers, YOU AIN'T NOTHING LIKE THE REAL THING.
PF had me enjoying the sweetness of contemplation as I had not felt in LITERALLY YEARS when you fucking vampires stuck this goddamned spider parasite in my head. You think I went deep into contemplation --you poor, walking dead SOBs--you haven't got a clue. I am more sexually and spiritually disciplined than your sick, warped, pathetic celibate asses could ever imagine. Mentally and spiritually abuse me all you want. I will not respond, in any way, shape, or form....three days till I am out of here--unless yet another huge psych ops await me....Guess what fuckers. I don't have much, but I have free will, and my free will never will cooperate with you--fooled me once, NOT AGAIN.