Deception swirling all around me, but as usual, I feel the real consequences of the deception. I woke up this morning with my leg hair shaved off. WTf?????? I like my hairy legs, goddamned it. I AM A MAN, NOT A WOMAN, AND I WANT TO HAVE STRONG, MUSCULAR LEGS WITH LONG HAIR ON THEM!!!!
I think I am beginning to get the knack of what is happening, though. I may be on a large alien starship (or at the very least, Mars), in an elaborate virtual reality hoax/hologram in which alien factions try to determine what is my true future. I think they actually are going a little beyond that, and attempting to "lead the horse" to the water that they want me to drink--and God knows, I am always thirsty. It does no good for me to say that I don't completely trust ANY of the factions, for I understand that the next level in my spiritual development requires mentoring and identification by forces more powerful than the merely human. I also remember a dream, telling me that I had to get off the planet Earth, or rather, seek shelter, from a powerful storm coming. Right now, Earth is being blasted by solar storms--those solar storms are not good for me, with the spider virus implants I have in my brain, and the abnormally heavy, reptilian DNA I carry. Even with chemtrail protection, I would be a raging, neurotic mess, incapable of any astral connection--except, of course by abduction from the negative KaBal.
As a matter of fact, the dream was that I was riding on a tractor with PF, down a narrow road, and I knew that we were going to reach an end, but not before a storm would come, which I could not handle. I have the memory impression that the damage would be much more damaging to me than to to PF, but she has chosen to fully link herself to me, and would not leave me, so I said, "We are not going to make it (to the end) before the storm hits. We HAVE to stop and build a shelter. There was a tree growing right in the middle of the road, so no matter which way we went, the tractor would be a squeeze (dumping the tractor was not going to happen), so I made a rational assessment which side of the road would afford the greater (even if only slightly), latitude for shelter, and if I remember correctly, it was the right side of the road (surprising, considering that I regard myself as a moderately "left leaning" kind of person, and am always inclined to take the "left" way). However, I knew in the dream that we were going to make it to the end, but that finding shelter from the storm was imperative.
Now the way that I interpret that dream is that PF and I are a team. A tractor is a heavy duty work vehicle; the dream dictionary says it symbolic representation is that of resourcefulness and creative, transforming work. PF and I have some heavy duty work to do together, but a storm is coming, which I, and possibly, PF, cannot withstand--I think it refers to the solar storms and the anticipated, heavy alien "incoming" fire and assault. It could be that the tree in the road slows us down; it certainly forces a decision, as to which side to choose for the immediate shelter.
Again, I consider myself a moderate "leftist" in most ideological matters, and I nearly always choose the "left" side of risk, experimentation, and the deviating, rather than the "right" of conservatism, the traditional, and the expected. However, for whatever reason, the right side seemed the best choice for SHORT TERM shelter--and I knew it was short term. There was no doubt in my mind that PF, the tractor and I would make it to the end of the road.
Now the tree blocking our way, I interpret to mean I interpret to mean the "tree of life", which scripturally speaking means the knowledge of good and evil, but I tend to think it refers more to the dualism imposed on our world by the genetic alterations done by MACHINE-RA. Our world is completely bifurcated into "the norm" and the "other"--it does not matter how we choose to cast the dualism--whether by gender, race, class, nation-state, etc. The Fall resulted into this alienating separateness of "norm" and "other", and subsequently, "better" and "inferior", "dominant" and "subjugated". The good news is that I honestly think those dualistic categories will lose a lot of their heavy-handed and restricting imposition, once we get to the end of the road. However, at this point, the dualism is forcing me to choose one side or the uncomfortable, which is both literally uncomfortable in which to build a good shelter, and personally uncomfortable for me to find a happy fit--it doesn't matter, if I go left or right, it is not a natural place for me to be.
Unfortunately, the alien factions vying for my allegiance, suffer from the exact same bifurcating and crippling dualism--even if their genetic code is much more intact than that of us native Terrans. Otherwise, the aliens (Sirians) would be able to be a lot more honest with me. It wouldn't matter a whit to them, whether I identify as male or female; black or white. Well, I always live in the world as I find it, but no matter what, I am always honest, or at least, as honest as I can possibly be, which is not always easy when I am being played, manipulated, and deceived, at every step of the way. The Sirians may not be honest with me, but I will be honest with them. So let me repeat it:
I AM A MAN IN A WOMAN'S BODY, AND THIS BODY IS NOW COMPLETELY HATEFUL TO ME (AFTER IT TOOK ME OVER 10 YEARS TO DECLARE TRUCE WITH IT). I WANT OUT OF THIS FEMALE BODY, YESTERDAY, AND IF THAT IS NOT IMMEDIATELY POSSIBLE, THEN AT LEAST, QUIT TREATING ME LIKE, AND EXPECTING ME TO BE A WOMAN! I AM NOT A WOMAN, I NEVER HAVE BEEN A WOMAN, I AM GODDAMNED SICK AND TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE A WOMAN, AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE A WOMAN!
Of course, I know all this declaration means absolutely nothing to the Sirians. I have been shouting this out loud on the blog for years now, and all they do is up the ante of lies and deceit, thinking I will choose their version of reality. Now, at the end of the road, I will have no doubt respecting their vision of reality, but as long as it is being forced upon me, I must protest mightily, in order to protect and preserve my own soul, my OWN SELF-IDENTITY AS A MAN! I don't care what the rest of the world thinks. I never have, but if I am going to be happy and productive in outer reality, my inner sense of being needs to correspond with my outer. Otherwise, I just am reduced to a one-dimensional neurotic, in my case, a "brain".
I was a "brain" for years--my entire youth and early adulthood. I don't like being a "brain". I know that the unnatural circumstances of my recent years have highlighted my strong brain, but I have an incredible emotional side as well, AND I WILL NEVER BE A FULL HUMAN BEING AS A WOMAN. I AM A MAN, and I said it years ago, men need women, more than women need men. I NEED A FEMALE PARTNER TO MAKE ME ALIVE AND PRODUCTIVE, LOVED AND HAPPY.
The proof is in the experience. In a matter of less than 2 weeks, PF got through my defenses, my closed off brain and my closed off emotions, and opened me up closer to astral travel than any one or any book, ever could or ever did, and at this point, I am close to saying, ever will.
As I write this, I am feeling the spiritual presence and pressure on my anal area, but guess what--I figured out your deception, you fucking luciferian pricks. You are just giving me ersatz, totally fake sexuality. Oh yes, you allowed PF and I a kiss or two in the astral realm, maybe even on Valentine's day. I still am not convinced that we got past "first base (well, considering our passionate natures, maybe second base), but it was emotionally provocative enough for you Sirians to get a record of my brain waves and bodily responses to emotional arousal, and THAT is what you are using to lead me down the garden path to your choice for me--to be a celibate "brain" of a woman. I can tell you that such a path will not lead to productivity or happiness for me, but you don't care--you just want a fantasy female figure to lead all the MACHINE-led boys and girls to "mommy" or "sugar tits".
It took me a while to figure it all out. I knew something was wrong, after the sex act with some psychic entity that played my brain waves (from the recording made of them during REAL encounters with PF), like a fucking violin. Deception, no matter how sophisticated, couldn't fool my soul or spirit, however.
The body got "off", thanks to my own right hand, but the soul was left feeling sad, violated and empty--unlike my real encounters with PF, when my soul was uplifted, joyful, and zestfully alive and aware. Of course, I could tell that something was way wrong after the masturbation/fake sex act--it just took me a while to orient myself, because I have been so overwhelmed with data.
Well, I am getting better oriented, and all your bag of luciferian tricks won't work. Sure, I can feel the puny-ass sexual arousal going on in my vaginal and anal area, but I know--that is just the implants that you placed in me, at work. Then manipulate my brain waves, and voila, I get the warm fuzzies. It worked last night during my dream state, didn't it?
Oh yeah, I am aware (at least upon awakening), that the Sirian shape shifters in close, familial proximity are implanting shit into my brain--and I mean REAL SHIT!!! Hell, it was probably one of their goddamned implants that said "Shave my legs".
WELL GODDAMNED IT, QUIT PUTTING YOUR GODDAMNED LIES IN MY FUCKING HEAD WHILE I FUCKING SLEEP!!! QUIT SHAVING MY FUCKING LEGS. I WANT MY LEGS TO BE HAIRY. IT DISGUSTS ME TO BE YOUR VERSION OF A FEMALE.
So, let me tell you about the fake dreams I am having (can't remember all of them, but man, are they pouring them on--I slept for nearly 12 hours last night). Yesterday's dream was that two women in black (i.e.--govt. agency of some official kind), were shaking me down at the airport, going through all my stuff, and they told me, "you can't take any money with you". Well, I knew this dream was deliberately implanted, and I woke up thinking it was a warning that I would be going to some kind of lock up facility soon (I just wasn't walking down the garden path fast enough for my shape shifting handlers). I didn't check the dream dictionary, though to see what money symbolized--I made the common, but always erroneous error of taking it literally--you can't take money with you into jail.
So, last night, my dreams were along the same line. Now, this morning, in order to put together all of the dream imagery, I DID look up the symbolism for money in dreams--it refers to power (I would say personal power, or an even better word, personal sovereignty) AND sexuality. However, I did not know that meaning when I fell asleep last night. I had been pondering the dream all day, and wondered if it was a negative reference meaning that I could not travel to the astral realm as long as I was clinging to worldly possessions of value, i.e., "filthy lucre". So, I went to sleep thinking I should let go of all my money. Thus,in my dream, the first thing I tried to do when told that I would be rescued (and there were some Black guys in a big, white van that were trying to rescue me), was to go to the bank to withdraw my money, and give it to John, my brother--who also is a Sirian shape shifter in this little deceptive drama I am going through. In my dream itself, I remember that I was consciously trying to follow the dictate from the previous dream, "you can't take any money with you".
The dollar amount of my bank account withdrawal was interesting--it was, I do believe $2963". Now, the thing is, I am 99% positive that number refers to PF's birthdate, but the dates are wrong. We were conceived in October of 1961, so either I got the dream number wrong, or else the Martian technology used to birth PF needed her to be in embryonic status for an extra six months. So then my question is, how does such an abnormally developing fetus gets the love and emotional nurturance that it needs from such a static environment? It doesn't--not even if there is some kind of genetic connection with the far away birth mother (whose attention would be completely focused on the baby she could FEEL in her round belly).
Now, I suspect that PF has been "quarantined" by the Sirians somewhere. That is what the aliens due to human hybrids who dare to live out their full human natures and fall in love. It is what they did to Rayelan Allen's husband, as detailed in her book, "The Obergon Chronicles", and for a long time, I wondered if he were a Sirian alien himself, but no, he was just a turbo-charged human hybrid, like PF. Anyway, within a week of his marrying Raye, he was locked up in jail on bogus charges--and he was the number 3 man in the CIA!!! No indeed, the Sirian control freaks do not like their slaves gaining personal sovereignty and emotional, soulful freedom, and nothing is so subversive to layered, sophisticated mind control as LOVE.
So PF is probably in custody somewhere, while I have these fakers playing bullshit games with erogenous implants and brain wave trickery. LOL--it is funny, now that I understand what is going on, but it wasn't funny last night, when I was doing my best to "enter the astral realm". Had I looked up the meaning of the dream symbolism for money, yesterday, I would not have made the mistake, and maybe I would have hairy legs right now...
For after I gave John (the Sirian shapeshifter), everything that was valuable to me (I thought I was giving away "filthy lucre", but I was giving away the most important thing in my life to me right now, and the best (if hidden), and practically only friend that I have had in the last couple of years. So, after giving John the money, I look over in the passenger seat, and I see a monstrous looking, autistic Black "woman". Now, I know that in my dreams, I often see myself as autistic, but this woman looked positively monstrous--that is because, no matter what, I will never be a full or complete woman, and any attempt to force me into the body of a woman will result in a terribly deformed being.
I think what it will result in, is a neurotic brain. In my dream, I also was able to open up a locker full of books, with my mind. I have been a brain before--it sucks, it is lousy, it is neurotic, and one-dimensional. I want to live in the fullness of my body, and live out the riches of my emotional and sexual life, and now that I have been able to figure out what the Sirians did to me, let me say:
I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY "MONEY" (MOST CHERISHED VALUE) TO ENTER INTO THE ASTRAL REALMS. PF and I are a team, and I will never be fully alive without her--I know, because without her psychic support the past few days, my mind has been all over the place.
Well, it is possible that without my cooperation with the Sirians, that I might end up in some kind of lockup facility. Earth is not a good place for me to be right now, and maybe they will put me on ice, somewhere. I do not wish for that. I have been locked up before, and it sucks; with my health especially, I need to be free to get exercise, fresh air, and have access to good, high protein food when my blood sugar crashes, due to the viral downloads. No matter what though, I won't waver.
I am hip to the game, boys. Even if I am put in solitary confinement, I will not be fooled by your elaborate mind game tricks. You know, my favorite, modern religious philosopher is Simone Weil, who would often inveigh against the deception of the imagination. She would say that the devil can often come in and trick us through our imaginative faculty, and I have always taken her warning to heart, which is why I never got fooled by all the channeling bullshit. Now the imagination is a great gift, and I use it, profusely, every single day of my life. However, I know (unlike some of the psychics/remote viewers monitoring me), that 90% of what goes through my imagination is redundant, invalid, or incomplete, and my reason and intuitive heart gets the final say on what imaginative scenes and hypothesis get final approval, and I can say that this is the first post I have written in the last few days of which my reason and intuitive heart concur:
I AM A MAN IN A WOMAN'S BODY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.