Saturday, February 25, 2012

The rabbit hole

The rabbit hole goes so deep into the KaBal's abuse, suffering, and trauma of my family, I am just overwhelmed. It is incredible to me to look back on my difficult childhood and youth, and think about how sorry I felt for myself for so long. While my sister and nieces were being abused as sex slaves, I was hiking in the hills of Appalachia or Colorado. Life may have been difficult, but I had an out, at least, until the abuse started to hit close to home to me. Little by little, I am going to start to discreetly revealing in broadstrokes what my extended family has endured, but not tonight.

I am once again very sick with nausea and migraines. I do not know if I am on psychotropics, but once again, I am experiencing a semi-psychotic state, in which I cannot bear to watch television, because my vision feels like moving images are jumping from the screen at me.

I am not going to complain, however. The degree of suffering I have witnessed from photo stills of my abused sisters (occult births are overwhelmingly female), has left me ashamed of my own rage and complaints. To be honest, NO ONE should have to go through what I, or my hidden family, has endured, and I am grateful that at least, my psyche and ego was strong and unfractured enough that I could give voice to the injustice I have endured. Lucky me--I didn't have Nazis using sophisticated, barbaric mind control techniques from my fetal stage.

However, I might not complain, but don't worry, I intend to get my revenge, and right wrongs, and make sure no one else suffers the pain and abuse that I have encountered from a cursory exploration of my extended family EVER AGAIN. I don't care how much I suffer--PAGARON!

I always tell people that as long as I am cursing and raging, I am not really angry--just emoting. When I am really, even dangerously angry, is when I go quiet, and I have decided it is time to go silent--at least as far as my personal pain is concerned. I am not going to verbally rage any more, though I do hope to be well enough soon to start troweling away at the rabbit hole, which apparently goes all the way to the stench-filled pit of hell, and reaches out into the far reaches of outer space. However, writing is going to be a secondary consideration for right now. When I go quiet, other concerns are paramount.

Still, I hope to reach out to those who genuinely wish me well, and so I will say that if I am on any kind of psychotropic drug, it is having a countering effect--I am becoming semi-psychotic. If it is just the implants that is responsible, I have to insist most stridently that I am in desperate need of testosterone, which I cannot buy without the Amon-RA faction getting involved. I think that most of the nutritional supplements industry has been penetrated by KaBal companies and fronts, who are putting in viral agents. I recognize that I am suffering from cluster headaches, and I read that low T is considered a major culprit. For what it is worth.

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