A truly miserable day after a pain-filled nite

A truly miserable day after a pain-filled nite. I got two to three hours of sleep before waking up to go to some stupid class. But I was late, and turned out of the class. So I get home and deal with a computer that has downloaded EIGHT viruses (I think it may have been initiated by a windows update... GRRRRR). I still don't have the damned computer fixed. Pisses me off to the max, because the surefire and easiest fix to a virus problem is to reload the OS, but I can't do that because the goddamned secret network on my computer denies me administrator's rights. So I may have another damned expense I can't afford to get the machine reloaded. But that doesn't bother me as much as the dead-dog tired body and brain, which makes dealing with a drugged up body-brain all that much more difficult. I also wonder and worry about what is going on in the larger world--maybe my crankiness is amplified by by impotence. So very tired. Maybe some shaking would help but I am so tired, I don't think I can do it effectively.

Belly severely bloated

Belly severely bloated with the goddamned alien poison coursing through my God-given body. In pain brcauae of the fucking muscle spasms tearing up my body so bad that I literally can't sit still. Goddamned fucking assholes. Despise you and your goddamned agenda. The downloads get worse when I read of their goddamned plans or wehenever I attempt to pray. The only thing that scares them more than the truth is The Truth. I'd rather die than serve you fucking alien assholes and sold out masonic luciferian sellouts to your humanity. Got to somehow struggle with this pain.

So depressed

So depressed after a full day yesterday of enduring muscle spasms and severe pain from the phsyyctropic shit. My left leg is so fucked up in its spasmed pelvic girdle that it hurts to even walk. Every muscle in my body is locked. And I just don't see an end to this never ending misery and pain. I don't see me ever being a free human being again. I don't see me being able to hold a job or have a lover. I see constant suffering while a bunch of goddamned et aliens and fascist politicians and religiuos figures suck my life, vitality and spirit right out of me while they try to split my mind to channel "Sananda". God, please let this end. Death is preferable to this hellish torturous slavery I endure.

Iwas able to read a little this morning

Iwas able to read a little this morning before the psychotropic drug download shit took place in my brain. I feel like I am on close to finding a huge piece fo the puzzle that I have been struggling with for a year. (No, sorry Christians, it's not about conversion or vocation). Unfortunately brain and body are seriously fucked up from yesterday's hell. While i was able to do a little shaking, my body and brain are not able to move. It is going to take a while to recover and meanwhile the shit downloads continue. I am so tired, I want to go to sleep, but tll myself , no. Try to force yourself to do something, even if it just watch tv. Body and brain both so very very exhausted.

Body catatonic

Body catatonic, causin of all things, knee pain. There's no give in my knees when I walk, and because I can not turn my body normally I am straining my knee wehenever I attempt to pivot. I have to be careful because I know I can blow out my knee easily. But what I really have to do is learn how to live with a 50 pound head and a catatonic body. Way to sick and stiff to do any shaking.

3 in the morning

3 in the morning, severely nauseated, sick with whatever psyhotropic i am on, and i am onit, my belly is ice cold, like it is when i am on psychotropics. but I have to write because i just figured out reason for this latest psychotropic assault--it is my mentally ill neighbor that I alluded to in previous entry. mentally ill ex-neighbor. I am too sick to write on it, but i had realized that woman was getting a mentally ill fixation on me which i dealth with by not dealing with her at all, but i think she had a breakdown before she left and "blamed"me. She is like the goddamned catholics in away--she attributes powers to me, but never relates to me. i am victimized, like thousands of "witches" before--spiritually feebleminded people who project onto people of spiritual power their own mental illness, spiritual fears, (and in the case of the catholics their own unrealized spiritual desires). But rather than face things (or me, for that matter) honestly, they play games. Just like Danielle played games until she drove her own pathological self into a breakdown, the catholics play games with me, driving me on to the edge of breakdown but i am too mentally strong, so i just suffer with the never ending misery of a mentally healthy person beign forced fed psychotropics. I am just a 21st century woman of spiritual power they can neither understand or relate to, so just like danielle in her attempts, try to control or handicap me so that they can siphon off my spiritual power and presence to prop up their own pitiful (in ddanielle's case, pathological) needs./ Have to write this down. have to make my case letter. too sick now.

9/11--fucking sick

9/11--fucking sick as the same goddamned evil satanic forces that destroyed three thousand american lives are having a lot of fun forceing their fucking poison into me again. too nauseated to do anything. tv on and off. cant stop the migraine headache symptoms or open my eyes. one thing i can do assholdes. fuck you, fuck you ratzing er fuck you nasa fuck you nsa, fuck you sirians, fuck you the preppty goddamned prick who moved in next door, no doubt to turn the em filed on high around my house. my next doror neightbor went crazy with it (to be honest, she was manic deprresive before) but i wont go crzzy . i sit here and pray for your diestruction . i know who i pray against in religiuos schemde and political schemcd. i know you are trying to turn me crzy to turn me into one to the goddamned sirian.agarthans. well u might do so, but guess what assholes, there wont be anything left of mfy fmind that you can use if you do succeed. so on today, the most black, infamous day of our history when our our own leaders played nero's fiddle on us, and betrayed us to an extendt unimaginable, it is apropriate i suffer. i suffer for my country. i suffer for the leaders who currently are down, but who truly love this country and its people. You know who you are. You fucking religious and political traitors, you psychological and immature sellouts and trash, you know you are. God bless America, and God bless her patriots, and please to God to open the eyes of those who cannot see, and stomp out those who prey on the lblind. Help me too God, its been a day from hell, and I expect the nite to be just as bad,. dont hanve any alcohol to help me get thru it. so help me God.