Continuing deterioration

Continuing deterioration most evident as I finish up a three day trip to nephew's wedding. Sick as a dog right now, in severe back pain as I sit here in muscle spasm, but most regretable of all is the inescapable fact that these stupidass fucking pigs that run my life will not let me live a free and healthy life, but insist on hadicapping me with the implants. They do it on purpose. Yesterday the download started as soon as I reached the place of the wedding service. I literally could not walk, my ankle muscles were spasming so bad, but it was nowhere as near as bad as the autism, semi-psychosis and migraine caused by the the implants. My face swelled up so bad that my lips turned inward so that i was biting them. So on a day of wedding with everyone having a good tim i go sit under a tree and then in car with eyes shut. I wanted to get out and go the trees i could seejust a couple of hundred yardds away, but i coulnt even walk.Saw sonene i knew, and my head wanted to be able to talk, catch up, but i was too goddamned sick to relate to anyone. I know the PTB do it on purpose--thier point is to discredit me so if I talk to people about what is going on, they can always point to days like today and claim that I am crazy. I am holding on to snaity but just barely. recognize that slowly i am losing my mind (which is their objective), that im not rememering things, not able to talk, not able to relate easily. worst of all there is nothing i can do about it. I try to preserve self, sanity and freedom but i get practically no support form anyone.saw my cousin who used to work for nasa, and he is living the fine, superficial life. i suspect that the he has sold out along the way (guy never stood for nothing. even when he hated the sandinistas, it was vecause hed didnt want ot fight. but he wanted Americans to go fight his fight for him!) I have to fight the good fight. i know freedom isnt free, but i am so tired fo feeling like shit all the time. My back hurts so bad from the all the muscle spsms wracking it. Now i have to get on a flight and figure out which insecure Black men are going to play mind games with me on my return flight home, while they gage how "racist" i am. So frustrating, everything I have done and all the alienation i have experienced by holding on to principles against racism, but no one wnats to talk to me, no one wants to relate to me, work with meor ask--they get in my hea without permission ansd try to read a mind that is very different and much freer than theirs. I wish i could writed about it further but i am too sick to maintain concentration but i am sick and goddamned tired of Black men playing games with me. But what is the point? Everyone is playing games with me, except my brother and his wife at whose home i am--they literally believe that I am crazy. Going to be a long day. I'm sick, tired and in pain. I hope that the goddamned pricks leave me alone on return journey..