Tuesday, June 22, 2010

over 219 pounds

over 219 pounds abd still going up. nothing i can do about it. body getting to point of complete and utter wrothlessness. tried to do yoga today but i know i can no longer do yoga. i tried to hike a few yards (likke 40-50) up into mts and could barely get down and felt like i had spent all day climbing and was at end of a 12 k ascent instead of forty yards. so depressed and depressing . spent all day sleeping while back muscle spasmed and my spine fights off the goddamned alien poison virus that has destroyed my body and is in process of destroying my humanituy. rayelan, a lady on web who also has these same implants talked of severe pain with "interior shingles". That is exactly what i am suffering from--i call it nerve pain but it is affecting more and more of my body while i find it harder and harder to move. but big differnce between rayelan and myself. first of all she accepts the implants, while i have never consented but have been violated against my will from the very beginning--violated beyond belief. second, rayelan is a femmie kind of woman and i dont think that being bodily handicapped bothers her as much as it does me. she makes necklaces while she is in pain. gets a lot of enjoyment out of it. i would never enjoy anything like that. i enjoy working out to the point of physical exhaustion. i enjoy hikin in th emountains. the only sedentary activity i enjoy is reading, and i cant read like this. in severe pain, and feeling sorry for myself and my trapped, virus-raped, handicapped body. too sick to do anything except sleep.

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