Finally slept last nite about 5:30 in mmorning

Finally slept last nite about 5:30 in mmorning but woke up with a very clear head and a good energy that I rarely experience. It was the healing. I felt stronger and more capable of thinking rationally than i have in a long time. BBut the feeling didnt last long. Soon the downloads began again, and while i have been able to get out and go for a short bike ride and do my laundry, still I am struggling to stay present to reality. I also am seriusulsy autistic right now. went to laundry and people were talking to me in Spanish but i could not understand or speak it. Verbal part of my brain was totally inaccessible, a frustrating feeling i experience more and more, now that the goddamned assholes have fried my once excellent, and fast firing brain. Nothing i can do about it. im lucky to be alive, or maybe not so lucky at all. not going to dwell on negatives. i dont feel as bad as i somethimes do--just the depression that comes with feeling like autistic shit after a morning of feeling almost human.