Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The more things change the more they stay the same

The more things change the more they stay the same, Had a bad night, waking up with the "occipital headache, and back pain. Very disturbing day yesterday, as I realized that the Opus Dei/Jesuit mindset is still very operative behind my suffering and isolation in life. Went to the doctor and was not surprised that she declined my suggestion to test for diabetes insipidus. There is no doubt that is what is wrong with me, but the stupid, goddamned pieces of shit who have fucked up my life and blocked my healing at every step of the way coninue to do so. I need to be a part of the treatment process for maximum efficacy, but instead they parcel and piecemeal out their "treatments" behind the scenes, always trying to get some combination that will turn me into their perfect brainwashed, mind-controlled "saint" that they can manipulate. I recognize that they gave me some drug that makes me feel "compulsive". Thanks to their goddamn abuse and torture, I can no longer remember what it was called (although I remember I was the first to suggest the drug), as I try to cope with profound memory loss caused by the great lithium fry they forced on my brain years ago. Because these stupidass pieces of shit treat me like an object and slave instead of as as person with free will and choice, they interfere with, and delay the healing process.
Even more disturbing was the same old shit that they pulled with a pap smear I had yesterday, doing precisely what they did years before, instructing the MD to cause needless, and quite excruciating pain. That is their stupidass way of directing treatment for the sexual an satanic abuse that I have suffered. I find myself so angry at those fuckers, I want to explode--not at the child molestors and satanic abusers who abused me years ago, out of a profound sickness, but at the goddamned religious zealots, who should know better, who claim to worship Jesus instead of Satan. Their worship, their faith, and their Jesus is very different than mine, and it doesn;'t matter how much you drug me, jail me, isolate me from friends and lovers, deny me meaningful employment, I will fight you with every breath I take.

No comments: