Saturday, June 26, 2010
Terrible tummyache. Have the stupid inquisitors shut off my intrinsic factor? Only in the past couple of day have I realized just how really bad shape that my guts are in. I think it is because that I have felt so badly mentally and emotionally that I ignored, or "deprioritized" what I intellectually recognized as my digestive issues. I am reminded of a story that a heroin addict, with whom I was incarcerated, told me. She said that she had developed a huge lump in her armpit, but as that she was constantly high on heroin, she barely noticed it and ignored it. However, her mother freaked out when she saw hundreds of baby spiders emerging from the lump in her daughter's armpit, and insisted that she go to the ER. There the doctors cut out an entire spider's nest in which an enterprising mother spider had laid her eggs, entering through an open sore in her body. The young woman had no idea what was going on, and high as a kite on heroin, didn't really care. The moral of the story: you can be so mentally distracted by what is going on in your head and your own befogged mental state, that you ignore overwhelming signs of what is going on with your body. I haven't been suffering from heroin addiction, but my mind is so overwhelmed with autistic alienation from reality and the chemical fog and depression caused by the inquisitor's neverending psychotropic drugs, that I have lost touch with my own body. Hell, I don't even feel my own legs anymore. So now that the alternative therapy is clearing some of the omnipresent fog, I realize what is going on with my body and my digestive/elimination system is jacked!! Everything I eat hurts. This morning I ate a couple of small, tender-sized pieces of chicken, and the bellyache started up, so I can't blame it on gluten/casein allergies. My stomach hurts so bad that I am giving all that up. But I have got to eat something. I want to try to do some yoga in a couple of hours and i cant do yoga on an empty stomach. It's very frustrating not to be in control of my own body--to not be able to say, "oh I forgot to take my intrinsic factor and now my tummy hurts," and then head to a medicine cabinet where I can trust that the meds I got from th pharmacy are there, and no one has tampered with them, and I can take them to feel better. Geez, what a novel experience that being a free person must be. It has been so long that I have forgotten. Sad to say, the goddamned torturers have got me on some other kind of chemical--I can feel it clogging up my brain. Neverending story of being drugged, but I can't go for very long with these kind of stomachaches you motherfuckers so give me back my intrinsic factor, or take me off these goddamned drugs that are turning my belly from a very bad condition into an unbearable one!