Great news, good news, and bad news.

Great news, good news, and bad news. The great news is that my eyes look almost human, for the first time in a long time. YEH--I feel so good, looking into my familiar,God-given eyes instead of those druggie-shined, alienated mirrors that normally stare back at me with impassive emptiness. Of course, this means that I have been given a break from the virus download. I'll take it. The good news is that I think that I have figured out the source of my hormonal imbalance--at least, I'm inchng there. I haven't had time to go into it yet. The bad news is that I think that I have diabetes--diabetes insipidus--to be precise--caused by damage or manipulation done to my hypothalamus by the alien technology. In the back of my mind, I can see how it is starting to fit together, but it involves buckling down to more medical study which I do't have time for, and which is low-reward for me, because, after years of abuse, I no longer can retain medical facts, but only facts that I can store via images. But I am certain that I am suffering from diabetes, and have been FOR YEARS! It all makes sense now. The leg cramping, the problems with blood sugar spiking, the inability to eat sugar, the problems with metabolism, the ruthless, relentless weight gain,the stomach bloating, the lack of appetite but need for fuel, the sweating, and body temperature problems, the infected ankles, the unresponsive and heavy deadness, numbness, and crippling nerve pain of severe leg neuropathy, the increasing foot pain and inability to walk, my recognition that superficial wounds were taking inordinately extended amounts of time to heal. For years now, I know that I have suffered from ketoacidosis. I could smell the acetone and sweetness of my own urine. I even told the doctor (Romero). But the smell was itermittent, and I just figured the virus download was eating my muscle as aside-effect of the amped up metabolism (and yes, I despaired to realize that my body was eating its own muscle, but I have despaired of being in this slave's body for years now). Then there was the fruity smell on my breath that, again, I would recognize on occasion. But I thought it was an intestinal floral problem, and would make natural health adjustments. In the past few days though, I realized that not only was the urine sweet smelling (like evaporated milk--not acetone, as before), but that after every single time that I ate (and eating was becoming increasingly difficult because EVERYTHING I ate made me nauseated and sick), I would have a fruity after breath. Laying in bed last night, trying to piece it all together, it all clicked.
Of course, I am furious, for I know this diabetes has been caused by the goddamned pricks who have destroyed my life. Don't got time to go into this right now. My rage at the abuse I have suffered is so great that it goes beyond telling but I have no time to indulge my feelings. I have other issues to deal with. First of all, I worry if I have suffered irreparable damage to my pancreas and/or hypothalamus. Diabetes is a progressive disease, and when stressed, the pancreas just loses its capacity to make the necessary amount of insulin, until it is totally gone. I know my pancreas is severely stressed--how damaged, I don't know. I also know that my hypothalamus is becoming progressively more stressed. I know because my body is losing its ability to regulate body temperature, and has been for years. I can no longer endure temperatures that didn't use to bothr me at all. Most telling is the experience I had last mont of heat stroke/exhaustion. I have lived in this house for four years with the same antiquated swamp cooler. But this year, it wasn't enough. I was so overcome with heat exhaustion that I was nauseated, sick, and even suffering from chills. I couldn't drink water but had to suck on ice chips and popsicles before drinking--all of this while I lay prostate and unmoving on the floor in front of the same swamp cooler that has served me just fine for the previous three years. I really have never liked air conditioning, preferring the fresh air of even the hottest day (Albuquerque is not Phonenix or the Mojave), but now I find I need constant air conditioning--at home, in the truck, or anywhere else. I can only go biking in the twilight. Never before.
In addition to these concerns about my body's long term damage, I am also suffering from the immediate discomfort and stress of either IBS or Chrohn's disease (constant abdominal pain, diarrhea and nausea), even though I am seriously modifying my diet.
Then on top of that, I also dreamed last night that I had "cystic tumors" all over my maxillo-facial area. No doubt that is a big part of my suffering with fluid retention in my face and cranium. But in a way, this is nothing new--I have been suffering unbearably for years now so I may as well get my day started. No reason to assume that the Jesuits/Opus Dei will give any consideration to my pain and suffering--they haven't done so for the last seven years. They are religious fundamentalists--incapable of empathy, creativity, or any course correction or change. More on this later.