Saturday, October 15, 2011

I don't know who or what to trust

I don't know who or what to trust. I am surrounded by aliens, humanoid shapeshifters, and cats and dogs allied with Syrian symbolism, and I AM CONFUSED. I know that I was right last week about a major blowup with the Sirians--but which faction?

Was it Salusa? The cat Sirians? The dog Sirians? The Amon Ra devotees (they are cat-identified), couldn't be more despised by good humans all over the planet. As a matter of fact, that bishop from Kansas City strikes me as Amon Ra. I had no idea the KC diocese was such a mess, but I started looking at pictures of their priest and deacons, and my God, that diocese is run by clerical devils. Anyway, because Baby Lisa is from the Kansas City area, I wonder if that indictment had anything to do with her occult sacrifice. I can tell you this (sorry to disappoint all you conservative Catholics out there), that Opus Dei is deeply allied with the Amon Ra cult on some levels (I think the cult mindset and body hating behavior predisposes a disciple for even more heinous occult activities). Anyway, read about the bishop, and the one before him Like so many others, he joined Opus Dei right before becoming a co-adjunctor (heir apparent). Of course, it could be that the Opus Dei hierarchy completely lacks genuine spiritual discernment and just vets for formalized verbal assent to dogma. Whatever, the case, I have seen too many scary types to feel comfortable with those cult members, and I can tell you that Robert Finn is one very sick man.

However, although there are many things going on, I myself am trying to get my bearings. WHO DO I TRUST--even just 51%. Right now, no one, from any of my neighbors to either of the TWO, SEPARATE UFO's that I saw last night. I know that some people/aliens ar looking out for me, but is that because they want to use me?

At least I felt better mentally today, though my guts are back to their "tore up" status. I dreamed last night that I was supposed to ascend, but I couldn't, because while I was swimming in a pool, a shark came along and tore out a huge chunk of my thigh. This is very true--I lost a lot of musculature in my thigh, along with three inches from my legs and lower back--a big deal to go from 5'1" to 4'10". Fucking sucks. Anyway, I interpreted the dream to mean that all the abuse I have suffered over the last few years, and the complete lack of any support, has undermined my faculty/ability to trust. In the Old Testament, the patriarchs would place someone's hand under their thigh as the highest sign of their trust and confidence. My guess is that it denotes trust that you could allow a stranger so close to your genitals, your sexuality. Well, my genitalia and sexuality have been castrated--both male and female parts. I have had nerve ganglia cut out, so that I no longer have much orgasmic sexual sensation. My whole concept of positive body self as an intersexed man in an overt woman's body, has been completely destroyed, leaving me in a body which I hate. So, yeh, I would say that the shark did a pretty good job. I don't know what it will take to trust--say 50%--again. I just take it one day at a time, and one night at a time, for of course, the abductions and cranial manipulations continue. Something needs to break fast, or I am going to have serious dental problems. All the constant instrumentation and probing and pulling in my mouth has left my gums perilously thin and recessed. My nerve in the gum below my eye tooth keeps bothering me. I can't afford a couple of thousand dollars worth of dental work, while these damned torturers constantly manipulate my face and jaws (of course I can tell--my bite is always "off"). Nothing for it--just try to orient myself to this current reality slowly, and hope I survive.

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