Thursday, October 27, 2011

It is nearly 5 in the afternoon

It is nearly 5 in the afternoon AND I HAVEN'T DONE SHIT. I have this huge agenda I want to accomplish, but I am so fucked up on drugs that i can't concentrate for shit. Except that its not drugs--ITS FUCKING GODDAMNED ESTROGEN. No doubt the FUCKING SHIT hit last night when I went to post, but as THE FUCKING SHIT ESTROGEN always does--it messes up my ability to think and make connections--it effectively halves my IQ, so i hit delete on my post. so i have a dream pushing me to deal with what I got to deal with, but i cant because I AM SO FUCKED UP ON THIS GODDAMNED SHIT ESTROGEN, that these fucking pigs keep force feeding me so much that i have to stick a dish towel inside my pants to actt as a diaper to soak up all the wet, so much so that I have a rash on my legs from the panty elastic rubbing against the wet. My fucking vagina is smacking and popping like some goddamn porn star. oN top of it all, I don't have the necessary mental energy, i don't have th fucking physical energy (could barely bike home), asnd now i am full ofthe rage i feel when i have too much goddamned estrogen in my body and not enough testosterone. YOU GODDAMNED FUCKING PRICKS, GET IT AND GET IT GOOD. I AM A MAN, NOT A FUCKING WOMAN, AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING GODDAMNED ESTROGEN AND DRUGS FUCKIANMG WITH MY UNCONSCIOUS IN MY SLEEP SO THAT YOU CAN BE ALL FUCKING HAPPEY THAT YOU HAVE A FUCKING CRIPP.ED ISIS. IT AIN'T ME BABE. GET THIS FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME!!! I AM A MAN. I AM A MAN. I AM A MAN. I AM A MAN. I AM A MAN. YOUR GODDAMNED DRUGS ALLOWS SOME ALTER EGO TO EMERGE IN SLEEP BUT IT AIN'T ME. QUIT WASTIN G MY FUCKING LIFE. I AMNOT A FEMALE. I WANT MY BODY BACK. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AS A MAN IN A MANS BODY--OK--BUT GHIVE ME BACK MY SEX, SO IC AN BE A LESBIAN FEMALE. GEUESS WHAT? NO SPIRITUALITY WITHOUT A SEX LIFE. I AIN'

OH---did i forget to mention that once again, I was drugged up so badly last night that it took 3 tylenol pm, vicodin and a huge glass of wine to go to sleep.. ANYTHING i say when i am so fucking drugged up, is fucking bullshit--accomodation to my fucking torturers. probably was amon ra, because i have toothache again--means that they were toggling with my brain to try to get my mind in synch with their GODDAMNED MACHINE.

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