Friday, October 21, 2011

Winter is coming

Winter is coming to my town soon, and my top priority for the next few days will be to try to do one last thorough cleaning of my house. It is very difficult to do, when I am so low energy. I have been taking about four T-tabs a day, just to get through the day, but even so, I am dragging. I try to work in bursts, rest, and then work again. It took me half a day to clean my porch and sweep and mop my kitchen.

Of course, it is the estrogen dragging me down, but there is nothing I can do about it--at least consciously. Unconsciously, in my dream state, there is a lot going on. I constantly am being pressured to take sides in this Sirian war, which, consciously I do not understand. For the life of me, I cannot understand why the red and yellow Sirians do not get along. I feel like I belong to both.

Salusa was in my dream last night, and at first I thought he was a evil serpent, because he burst in through the walls of a basement apt in which I was living. Then, he turned into a brown cat, and I realized my fears of the neighbor's cat (they are Amon Ra people) were wrong--it was Salusa all along. Salusa tried to bring me a couple of little kittens in his mouth, and I was quite adamant that I did not want the responsibility of caring for kittens.

Overall, it was a good dream, because I felt happy and relieved to see Salusa again, and my thoughts increasingly lean to an understanding that my fears of a more overt alliance with him and his agenda, are the result of psychological immaturity on my part. However, I continue to be disturbed by the deep division I see between red and yellow Sirians. I don't want to choose either/or, but both/and.

Anyway, there are a lot of issues circulating in my head, but for the next few days, I need to focus on cleaning my house. Of course, I continue to read the morning papers, and stay alert for cabal negativities. Hopefully, by next week, I can try to dig in and understand this Sirian civil war. There is so much that I want to read, and I have so many articles bookmarked, but my health is so poor that I often find it difficult to concentrate for long periods of time. I am feeling a little better--just so very low energy, but still, I think I think that everyone's attempts to push me towards "Ascension" is fundamentally misguided. More than anything else, I need to just lead a normal life as possible, but it has been so long since that happened last, it would take weeks to acclimatize myself to acceptable and non-anxious socialization.

Right now, I am struggling to think clearly--I am on some kind of psychotropic making rational thought and connections very difficult--see what I mean about my difficulties? I close with blessings for all...

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