My time grows short. I think the plug has been pulled on my 3D body. I think that I chose the time; consciously I did not know what I was doing when I stuck in that art CD in my computer, but unconsciously, I knew that was the agreed upon signal. I may even already be legally dead, with the only consciousness of mine left clinging to this half-android body/brain stuck in a largely soulless MATRIX. I am in a liminal state of reality, a Neo stuck in the train station, waiting for release, and passing over to the other side. I am comfortable with my time frame. I am supposed to catch a flight at six in the morning on Saturday, but really, I want to end this 3D existence at home, in familiar setting. However, I am prepared to live each day to the max, just as I always have. It is just that the enthusiasm is gone, and even I can tell that. I remember having dorm room conversations about what we would do if we heard that nuclear warheads were incoming a half hour away. Most of us (college students, remember), just hypothesized that we would light up a doobie and wait. However, really, the waiting feels more like the grief of a family mourning period. I accidentally found a six year photo of myself with my family at my nephew's high school graduation--the same nephew who now fathers my biological child, and I knew by my familiar, joyful smile and strong body, that was the last time I related to my family normally. It is the memory of the good things that hurt. For a long time, I have had a memory of doing vigorous, athletic yoga, and feeling the spiritual energy move up through my entire fully human body, while muscles contracted and sweat flowed. I will do yoga again, but I doubt that it will be quite the same experience of combination of carnal and spiritual energies. There is a lot to be said for the 3D experience, which sad to say, most humans don't really appreciate. After my conversion experience, I always did, which is why I loved and embraced life, pushing myself to the full, even when I felt completely isolated, persecuted, and ill.
That is partly how I know it is time to go. I don't have any weed to smoke, but there is all kinds of things I could do to pass time--dozens of unread books, music to listen to, movie and TV vids to watch and rerun, financial scrambling to try to keep my credit line afloat, but I really don't have any enthusiasm for anything. I am not melancholic, just naturally grieving for a life that I have spent years struggling to maintain by insisting upon meaning and productivity, even when it was not reinforced by any tangible, outer emotional support, until of course, very recently. I guess that for so long, I had to fight to maintain my own will to live and create, against so many detractors and obstacles, that I am having a hard time letting go.
Yet I know my future has got to be better. My emotional life now is all in the interdimensional world, with my PF and my children. I had another son born yesterday, and I long to see a child born and remember it. I want to PHYSICALLY touch PF when I make love to her, and REMEMBER it. I suppose that once I am a denizen of the interdimensional world, that I will then become an "alien" to 3D reality, but I know that my vocation for the foreseeable future, will be to help ensure the survival, prosperity and peace of my native planet, just as it has been for the last four or so years. So, really, everything will be fine, though I doubt that my earthly family or anyone who ever knew me will recognize me should they encounter me.
I had hoped to make peace with my mother, but I have known for years now, that such was not possible, until I am free of the KaBal/MACHINE-RA MATRIX. Even now, I am not sure what my intuition is telling me--has she passed, herself, or did she lose her soul as a young mother, when a "walk-in" came and stole her body. My intuition tells me the latter, but just as I am compelled to help other members of my family, so am I compelled to help her free herself from the horrible darkness in which she resides. All I can say is that I forgive her unconditionally, just as I do anyone who has harmed me through their slavery to the power of evil. I myself have engaged in less than salutary, and even sordid behavior through the years, but I look at so much of it, and see that is how God was working through me, and so I have forgiven myself. Even so much of the recent, deplorable sexual flipping and activity in the astral realm, which led me to despair at my own ability to hold my boundaries, ended up serving holy purpose. I understand that there was unconscious consent, however coerced or not, I cannot say until I have full access to my unconscious mind, but consciously it has been difficult these past couple of years. I will say I am not sorry that I engaged in sex with rogue humans, aliens, and even reptiles. At least some of my genetic children and hybrid kin were forced to have sex with reptiles, and by God, if they could do it, as innocent, victimized youths, I could do it as a mature adult, with a little bit of astral realm coaching on how to compartmentalize and protect my soul during the act. I got a lot of useful information, which I used to help the Patriot cause, starting with reading the mind of the reptile that inhabits David Wilcock's body. That is how I learned the computer codes which the KaBal was using to set up earthquakes, which literally have been killing hundreds of thousands of people. Worth it? Yeh, even though I hate the thought of it (really, there is not much of a memory--just dream images). I was raised in a tough time, when evil had nearly choked off every avenue of legitimate opposition, and I, virtuous man that I am, did what I had to do, to help ensure my planet's survival, humanity's survival and my children's survival. I hope that no one, in the next 10,000 years ever find themselves in the position of degradation and slavery which so many human hybrids and satanically and ritualistically abused children have lived in the past century.
Now, I am going to post the entry that is now only in draft state. I have a feeling it has already been leaked, and that is okay. I had so much that I wanted to say, but I am even losing my own enthusiasm to express myself and communicate with others, so I am going to cut it way short.
So here it is--remember it was written about four days ago, Though I will conclude it decently, expect it to be a little disjointed:
person. It makes me want to vomit, just thinking about it, just as it should any decent human being even remotely interested in their fellow human being's welfare. Yet, interdimensional authority keeps siding with these evil KaBal bastards.
Now, what the hell is up with that? I do believe that they are riding on the MACHINE's gravy train, as well, or maybe they are just programmed slaves themselves, so that they are willing to sell out another sentient being and even the future of their own race, in a desperate attempt to lap at a little extra security at the hands of an evil system. For make no mistake--anybody who dares to stand up for humanity, whether 3D or 12D, Terran, Martian or Sirian--comes under the baleful radar of the MACHINE and IT's minions.
You know what Abe Lincoln's great sell out was? He freed the slaves when he was under orders not to--the Emancipation Proclamation, the first great executive order in American political history. I figured out that the primary reason that the warmongering elements of the KaBal wanted a destructive civil war to create the elevated levels of misery and suffering on which the reptiles and negative entities feed. Freeing the slaves was never part of the plan, but Abe, was not only a pragmatist, promoted and placed in power by occult powers, but also a deeply moral and feeling man. After four years of witness and leadership to carnage and misery, he knew that the most visible and tangible cause of such suffering--the blight of slavery on a "free" nation, could no longer be tolerated, and he took unilateral and decisive action to end it. It was not part of the KaBal's plan at all, and really, the slaves themselves would have been better had there been some kind of intermediate step to assist them to freedom--such as the "40 acres and a mule" idea. No doubt, Abe wanted to lead efforts to legislate such bridging policy, not only to ensure successful and healthy integration of former slaves into civil society, but also to help heal the wounds of a defeated South. Unfortunately, the KaBal immediately moved to squash any further attempts at genuine healing and support, as well as preserve the predatory financial status quo, which Andrew Jackson (check out HIS Amon RA temples), had helped to gain dominance.
Now, I think Abe Lincoln acted on intuition and principle, but it cost him--he spent nearly 35 years chained to the domineering (because he was embodied), and evil consciousness of Albert Pike. Still, I think Abe would take the same action again, if presented with the choice. He was a man, a virtuous man, and he knew that his action would result in the lifting of the oppressive and miserable chains of slavery, not only from the scarred and overworked backs of Black slaves, but also from the conscience of White America. While pondering the possibilities of a future, if my death were imminent, I recognize that the MACHINE could have another horrible and lengthy imprisonment in the making for me. But, thinking on Abe, reinforces my belief, that a virtuous man has to do the right thing, even if the consequences involve suffering. It is time to move towards whatever the future holds.
I also wanted to make a brief comment about Watcher, who though a much more powerful being than Abe Lincoln, was meted out the very same punishment--imprisonment of consciousness in an uncongenial host body. You see, I have figured out (PF did not tell me--I pieced it together, on the last day I had "enthusiasm" for research), a more clear history of the person of Loretta/Watcher/JFK. Now, JFK was punished for "betraying" the agenda of the MACHINE (and attempting to free humanity from slavery), as I have already explained. THe body that he was put into was that of a pure blood Merovingian Native American from New England--the point being to place an alpha male with a voracious sex appetite in the body of a simple, but bloodline compatible, older woman. Loretta/JFK was at some point, placed in the care of PF. However, the MACHINE still had more torment in mind. In 2008, Watcher, who was a powerful alien being of this galaxy was kicked out of his astral position and protection , and had his consciousness imprisoned by the MACHINE. This was then placed in the body of Loretta/JFK, which again, makes for a hellish threesome, as two powerful alpha males try to coexist with a brain-demented, elderly woman.
Now, why did this happen? Because Watcher dared to fight for the rights of humanity, using his powerful remote viewing skills to locate hidden collateral assets, and weaving together a plan to overturn the vampire order of financial usury and slavery. Maybe he was getting too successful, because in 2008, he lost his autonomous consciousness, and was reduced, imprisoned in the already overburdened body of Loretta. Now, I still think that Watcher has some serious issues, but I know that PF, who has known him as a father figure since her earliest days, when she was in terrible pain over the trauma and rape she endured, has genuinely loved him, for years. I also know that Watcher is enduring the torment of suffering which MACHINE-RA reserves for ITS most hated enemies, those who betray IT, in order to side with humanity. Thus, I can only hope that one day those three will be set free. It is impossible for me to determine how much of the dysfunction present is the result of personal failings, and how much is the result of their tortured imprisonment. I have been in an analogous situation, as Abe Lincoln, and I can attest, that it is hell, and it warps the consciousness of the victim. All three in that complex are victims.
This may be my last post. According to the ticker, this is blog entry # 1,665. There won't be a 1,666. Old habits and superstitions die hard. If I need to write again, I will either leave a blank post, or prayer, and then skip to the next field. However, in the event that this is my final post, I do want to thank every body who has supported me any way that they could. You know who you are. It was nice to know that I had some cyber support and cyber buddies in my loneliness and difficulties, and I will continue to wish all brave Patriots well. I also pray for healing among all the vying factions--among aliens, hybrids, and humans. There is so little that I can do in my current situation, and so much that I wanted to do. Maybe, with an elevated conscciousness, and better health, I will be able to do more. I hope so. In the meantime, people watchers might keep an eye out for me. I guarantee you, I will be around--you just might not recognize me ;).