Really rought day

Really rought day--I am on some kind of psychotropic that has me alternately severely depressed and raging. i have lost my ability to maintain positive attitude and work at high frequency. that is the plan of course--to keep me depressed so that the parasites can feed on me. Most of the time, i am sleepy and drugged and dizzy--too sick to exercise or get out of the house.

all i can do is endure and hope tomorrow is better.

i am worried about going to sleep. i know that the faction 2/3 creeps can abduct me and flip me at will. There has to be something in my sexual history that they know that they can use against me. some violence, some murder, something awful. all I can do is keep identifying memories one day at a time, so i need to spend more time looking at ancietn Egypt, because that is where the big, original "fall" took place, I think, maybe even more so than ATlantis. Maybe i was in on the ground floor to destroy my home land, set up a new, preplanned colony in Egypt, then, once there, my evil deeds caught up with me, and my personal life fell apart. I am not sure. I just know that I cannot be me, because evil KaBalists, keep drugging me which handicaps all my efforts to to remember and integrate the past.

I tell myself to stay strong and stay focused--just hard when i am so damned drugged.