Monday, January 24, 2011

Every morning I wake up

Every morning I wake up, and the first thing I notice is how alienated I feel from my own body, like it doesn't belong to me. The second thing is, I wonder what the Nazis did to me while I slept? I try to figure it out, but my body is so alien and different to my own self-perception, inevitably I give up, though sometimes I will spontaneously cry. Then the third thing that happens, is that I have to will, to force myself to get out of bed. Life, the dawning of a new day has become hateful to me, as I wonder what hell I will experience next.

Every night the PIB's cut on me, and experiment on me, and there is nothing I can do about it, because those aliens and their stenchmen, have no respect for God, the human, and most especially the feminine. They are infantile men, with the key emphasis on infantile, living out a warped fantasy of control and domination. Yesterday, I woke up, feeling that something was done to the hips. I got up, and tried to do some exercises to work it out, not very successfully, but I at least I could try to do something. This morning, however, I woke up, feeling something had been done to the right side of my neck and head. I have been having neck problems (as a matter of fact, I think that is related to my TMJ)ever since the rat pigs changed my cranial and facial structures the first time. But this time it was very bad and relentless spasm. So, I got up, and noticed immediately that I am severely autistic, so autistic that I can barely open my eyes, because there is no way that my brain can process all the stimuli that comes in from open eyes. Even as I type this, my eyes are mostly shut. I am suppposed to go to the dr. for a spinal tap today. It will be very difficult to drive in this condition. I don't know if my head has too much spinal fluid. For the past few days, it sure has. Last nite, the fluid was so heavy that I had to take two hands and lift my head up off my chest to see my netbook screen. Instead, I think my torturers tried changing my brain structure around, and may have done something t omy brain stem, which is where the autistic sensory disorder originates. I wonder if they put something int my neck leading to my brainstem?
I also find it very hard to move. Even the eyeballs don't want to move--frozen eyeball symptoms. I can only move my legs in small steps. Again, it is going to be veryy hard to get to the hospital. Now, I am noticing that it is hard to hold up my head--feeling that old familiar pain of the mutilation ache, too...Not going to be a good day.

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