So close

So close to a breakthrough, but so frustrated because I am so goddamned drugged. For the last two days I have been struggling to cut through the mental molasses and mire. The world is in crisis, and I am so drugged, I can barely think. It is like I am living in my head, but not my usual, fruitful, idea-filled and rapidly moving head, but rather a heavy, dull head. I wonder if I am on the same kind of drug that I was on a few days ago when I felt very stoned. No, that isn't it, because I don't have that mellow, "don't care" feeling. I am very angry and frustrated because I want my mind to work out a problem that I am so tantalizingly close to solving, and I can't get any cooperation. The brain is just sitting dead in the water. Usually, writing helps, but everything is moving slow. I should have written the previous post, yesterday. Now, there are one or possibly two more posts I need to make, but the brain can't think. I went for a walk earlier, to try to ground my brain back in the body, and because physical activity is a great aid for thinking (at least for me). But, as usual, the viral download started and wiped out all ability to think, and then I had to walk home high as a kite, and very autistic--never a good thing. Still I have got to try. Yesterday's post came after I took a fiornal, a phenergan, 2 OTC Tylenol Sinus capsules (the "good stuff" you got to sign for--which works to ease my headaches), and a 1/2 vicodin. I was suffering from migraine and nausea so bad that I could barely type, but I still got the post out. I guess I just have to suffer through it again, but first I am going to cook supper (one reason I thought I might have some kind of cannabis in me was that I have had the munchies for two days...but I nibble. The body is hungry now for real food, even though all I do is sit at this computer and try to figure things out.