Got a call today from neurocenter

Got a call today from neurocenter wanting to do spinal tap. Could all my severe depression and pain be caused by too much csf on brain. My face is swollen beyond belief. My lips are chapped because they are permanently inverted with the puffiness of my face. I recognize the feeling from before of too much csf--the feeling of being sick, hating life, barely being able to move. Even worse, I am not able to read--too sick to concentrate, so I just skim. I hate doing that--there is so much going on and I can't process information. Still, the suffering and pain seems racheted up from before. I don't remember crying all the time though, but I was a lot healthier then, physically and psychologically four years ago. Over the years, and after the mutilations of the past few months, I no longer have much fight left me. I am like Samson, just going round and round, tethered to suffering and slavery, just waiting for the one chance to bring the whole evil house of these Nazis down. I will go to get the spinal tap, but I don't have much hope. I have been that route before, and it never yields a clinical diagnosis. It is always me who figures out what is wrong with me, but I too sick to care, and after repeated abuses and violations after every one of my revelations, I have no motivation to cooperate in the healing process any more. But I am worried about my eyesight. Tonight, while suffering from a semi-psychotic state caused by the viral download, I experienced 2 flashes of light, like a spark, deep behind my eyes. I think it was my retina firing in response to severe stress. These sons of bitches don't care if I go blind. I do. That is why I will go for the spinal tap, even though I'm sick to the death of seeking medical treatment for a condition caused by abusive medical experimentation on me. All the excess fluid and virus are also causing severe pain and spasms in my back. I literally cannot bend over because my back and entire left leg is locked in spasm. My right arm is in weird joint pain, and I am suffering from pinss and needles there. In short I am a mess. A real, miserable mess. And I just want my life over.