My life gets more grimmer and hopeless

My life gets more grimmer and hopeless with each passing day. After a few days of barely being able to move and function as a normal human being, of stumbling around with my eyes half shut because I literally am walking around, with all the symptomology and feeling of someone with a brain tumor (and that is what it is like with this alien virus swelling my brain and impinging on my brain stem), I woke up for the first time actually able to get up and move. Rather happy, because, also for the time, in days, I felt healthy enough to get into the shower and hoped to do some laundry and chores. I say, "almost" because certainly I still felt deathly ill, and I woke up crying in pain because again, I woke up realizing that my painful arm tendonitis and deep muscular pain is caused by the fact that my arms no longer can get into any kind of comfortable resting position. Too, it was painful to look down on my swollen, shiny hands and fingers, knowing clearly that circulation was severely compromised as well. Even now as I type this, my hands are cold and dead and shiny. Short post. Anyway, while showering, the viral download began, and I knew i was fucked. it was hard to get out of shower and dressed--i was in a psychotic, autistic state of being, and kept rocking myself while i repeated things over and over again. to myself. I repeat things over and over because i am trying to get in touch with reality. i say, over and over, go to bed go to bed go to bed, because i am trying to connect with reality so i can get up and go to bed. finally was able to get up and go to bed, where i promptly fell asslleep for over five hours. dreamed very funny dreams (were they implanted dreams--if so, they were laughable), dreamed all these sexy, beautiful people (wwomen of course, but i knew they were bait and men were behind it) were trying to get me to work for them, and i knew even in my dream they were evil rotten, bastards and I needed to get away, so the sexy woman tried to tell me to drive cross country to mississippi and join a different group. I played along, trying to figure out how to get away. finally woke up, whole day gone, five hours later. except i am in terrible pain, especially arm pain, and realize (because i dressed in different set of clothes) that i have ga9ined seriuous weight over past few days. i am not surprised because my body temperature has been so abnormally cold (i lost my abnormally high body temperature) and my worst fears were realized, that once again, mother fuckers had hormonally altered body, along with cranial changes, and that the cold temperatures were symptomatic of a greatly slowed metabolism. This matters because already i am grossly overweight and now i am gaining in large amounts of fat again--can see and feel it in clothes. why is going into a deep freeze metabolism important? ALL YOU POOR SOBS WHO THINK YOU ARE "SPECIAL" AND "CHOSEN" LISTEN UP AND READ WELL.. Youe ggenetics (getting hard to type, fingers so swollen and numb cant feel hitting the keys)do not make you special, except insofar as you, as we, can be used. The reptilians and sirians are looking for a bodily container in which their inorganic, machine consciousness can find a home to live. You/we are nothing but hosts for an extremmely advanced parasite, and everything that makes us fully human--our ability to love and laugh and relate and procreate, to worship and exercise free will. And all you poor sobs involved in the destruction of planet Earth (the Mars colonies and the BP types trying to make this planet uninhabitable, so you can "ascend" to some great dimension in the sky), think you are gaining some special destiny, you are so wrong--you are nothing but hosts, and once the reptilian/sirian/satanic/luciferian objectives are completed you willenter the altered, psychotic state of being that i experience.
There is another alternative state of being for the "SPECIAL" AND "CHOSEN" ONES, and that is again as a deep freeze psychic container. All of you viral tagged and implanted, and are proud of your new found psychic abilities, I invite you to look at the "Moon Mona Lisa." That is your future. You will be nothing but a psychic container used to pilot a psychically inferior species (which is why "God and the angels" turned off the advanced (psychic) capabilities of our DNA millenia ago and quarantined our planet (angel with flashing sword around Eden). For better or worse that quarantine has been lifted, and our (late t) DNA involuntarily reactivated, and the parasites are licking their chops. A couple of things about the Moon Mona Lisa. Looking at her, I would say that she is an ancient Lemurian (from the days when Atlantis and Lemuria contended). There is no doubt in my mind, gauging from the exterior implants in her, that she was a pscychic slave used to pilot a psychically inferior species (probably) 4d ship. Or perhaps I should say, that she IS psychic slave, a bodily container, for even though her body has laid immobile for millenia, the telemetry relayed back to NASA medical indicated that she was alive--if you call that poor, godforsaken creature alive. For she is kept in an altered, metabolic deep freeze, so that her psyche, like that of a person in a coma for 20 years who "wakes up", stays alive and dreaming so that her "bodily container" can be used. Even though the alien (even to her) ship she piloted in involuntary slavery, is crashed, the poor creature still has some kind of psychic life going on, and I can only imagine the horrific depths of experiencing such a fate. But that is what is planned for us. (For those virus altered psychics still thinking they are something "special" and "chosen", let me refer you to the TV series Babylon 5, and the special plans for the psychics of PsiCorp. (Michael Straczynski is another high level freemason artist given access to high level 33 information, which he then turned to creative license).
This is why it is so scary for my body to go into metabolic deep freeze--not only do I gain weight which God help me, I can't bear, but it is a coming indication of experiencing a fate like the "moon Mona Lisa" and God knows, I think suicide will be a holier and God-sanctioned alternative. Anyway, I bring this all up because tonight is anotehr eclipse, and there is no way that I am in any kind of shape to fight it tongiht. So God help me. God help us.