Sick beyond belief--is this the rest of my life?

Sick beyond belief--is this the rest of my life? Unable to barely move, unable to rest--no matter what, my arms cannot find a natural resting position, andmy shoulders never lay flat on floor. Am walking into walls and doors because brain too fucked up to walke and be present in reality. Inn a lot of chronic back and arm/han/carpal tunel pain. worse of all, want to exercise, remember how good i felt when i exercised thrretimes a week, now can barely move. can barely breeathe and swallow too, feel im having a panic attack, huge lump in throat, except i no longer have a throat, nothing there, makes it worse. praying t0o God for death. world seems on cusp of great things God, surely my fucked up hellish existence on this plane. take me tonite, no longer want to be here at all. body is too miserable and brain too fucked up to live.

oh boy.... could be in real trouble, figured out why i cant breathe. too much mucous in throat clogging it. goddamn virus always cause histamine realease and excess mucous, problem is that i no longer have a throat, and the excessive muscous is clogging breathing passage. God, I see nothing but miserty and suffering from this goddamned mutilate body for the rest of my life, so please just end it.