Gaining weight

Gaining weight--absolutely nothing I can do about it. can not exercise except in small doses, and even then, i have to push myslelf. there is no joy in life, no energy, no movement, no singing in the heart. i am a flat, emotionally dead person just like the luciferians or a wino sleeping in the street. cant bear to look at myself or feel my body. face has so much fluid its disgusting. it is no longer my tiny, tight heart shape face--it is a monstrosity swollen with fluid on a no neck. I understand now why Obama's face has so many lumps and folds and creases. The antichrist probably has been wearing luciferian implants since he was a teen, and all the lumps and crinkles are the result. A man can look that way. My face has lost all symmetry, all beauty. that is why the only thing I fantasize about is a gender change operation. I cannot bear to touch my body. everytime I do I just find more jiggling fat where the muscles have been removed. Even my glute muscles are gone. I may have been fat, but for years I was fit and in peak condition, strong and healthy. Now i am a wreck. I force myself to work out, but there is no joy, and no pride in my body. There is actually a lot of pain--my pelvic girdle is not irght at all, and I am having the worst back pain of my life. nothing i can do about it but take pain killers to help me sleep. I literally can barely walk. If i try to stride, the viral download assaults me and nearly knocks me out. i try to walk, i hobble, accomodating my fucked up lower back and pelvic girdle. I tried to do a yoga pose, the body can not handle any energy moving at all. but the worst part of it all is the mental depression and dull fog. I have no interest in reading. I feel like im just wrapped in cotton wool. I bouthght a digital camera to play with, but it takes too much energy to open it up and play with it. how long can a person live like this? I am dreading going to bed--already i feel the brain rushes and the only way to sleep with these is to take major alcohol and painkillers.