Sunday, January 23, 2011

Recovering

Recovering after a night of screaming-in-agony pain. I was suffering from retinal flashes behind both eyes, and my right eye was not able to see images in the dark at all. I was convulsing so badly that I was truly afraid that my neck vertebra (the one that has been relocated down lower by the PIB's) was going to snap. In my pain, I can literally feel where the Nazi doctors have cut me up, and it confirms what my inner voice has already told me--that I am going to suffer from serious, painful, and expensive medical complications for the rest of my life, because of the mutilation done to me. This morning, both my body and brain feel limp and unresponsive, as if I have just survived a terribly traumatic assault. And so I have. For the umpteenth time. I am in a lot of relatively recent nerve pain in my hips. I have suffered that excruciating nerve pain, ever since my trunk muscles were cut out, and the fat from my one time waist, transferred to my hips. With all the extra, redistributed fat, there is just too much pressure on my nerves. There is also too much pressure on my joints, because I have lost so much supporting musculature. Last night, I could feel the terrible pain in my right knee that occasionally grips me when working out--haven't felt pain in that knee since I quit doing aerobics years ago--poor knee--it has all its supporting musculature cut out. I tried to do a little yoga, but it is hard to be in a body that I no longer recognize as mine. Everytime I would go to feel the body/mind connection, I am reminded of how miserable the mutilated alien job has made me. I cannot do even simple, basic yoga moves that anyone off the street could, such as get the shoulders to lay flat while doing a simple twist with the legs. Still, I long for a chance to heal, but I am pretty certain that healing will never happen as long as the implants are in me. I saw from her recent spate of interviews that Nancy Pelosi has had her implants removed, and boy, what a difference that has made in her self-presentations and verbal exposition. For years now, commentators have remarked on the disconnect between her body language and her words--she is an Italian, and they should work naturally, in good harmony. She would often come across as flaky and erratic, and I remember Larry King, the ultimate softball king, getting upset with her, because she was incapable of processing the easy question and formulating an appropriate answer. It was the implants. Nancy Pelosi is a highly intelligent woman, and like me, I think she is naturally hyperactive, but, just as happened with me to some extent, the implants turned her hyperactive verbal fluency into neurotic, and flaky as hell jerkiness. Towards the end, I think they were also beginning to cause brain damage to the point that her verbal ability was no longer commensurate with that of a public speaker. Maybe that is why the PIB's agreed to the implant removal. Or, maybe she made a deal with them to get them removed. In either case, I am happy for her, because she was accelerating down the path of irretrievable brain damage, and now she seems so much more centered and rational. Of course it is a little late, and the damage has already been done--there is no question in my mind that the emotional disconnects resulting from the brain implants severely hampered her effectiveness as speaker of the House, not to mention that they contributed to the really poor decisions she has made in the last few years. Also, I do not envy her the crushing bad karma and guilt that she will carry for a very long time. I cannot make any deal or cooperate with the PIB's--I am too aware of how powerfully evil and nefariously hateful they really are. So I will continue to suffer--how long I can continue with these kind of traumatic assaults on a weakened body, I do not know. For, despite my resistance, the implants hamper me as well. There is a powerful lot going on this weekend and my mind has several lines of inquiry it wants to pursue, but I am just too limp, both physically and mentally, to do much more than move in slow motion....

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