Really rough day as I struggle

Really rough day as I struggle with the tragedy at Tucson (think I felt it--I think at about the time it happened, I went into a semi-psychotic fugue state--helped of course by the psychotropic drugs). I went into a semi-psychotic fugue state on about three different occasions today. I have figured out I am definetly on lithium. recgonize the same symptomology from before. Especially depressed about gaining weigh, and I am gaining. same feeling of helplessness as before, watching the belly spread, except now it is worse as the fucking, murderous, raping sons of bitches definetly cut out my abdominal muscles. All I have left where my stomach muscles once were is flabby fat. When the lithium originally hit, years ago, I could force myself to gym and walk on treadmill and do exercises. All of that is completely out of the questionl. I got in deep trouble doing a mile circuit on the bike trail. I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it home. I don't think I am going to be riding bike anytime soon. Also, am thirsty, at least in the mouth, but my body can only take water in small sips. It is as if my body rejects water, even when I know I am thirsty. Anyway, I am going to go to sleep, cry for the murders and assaults today and hope tomorrow is a better day. I have an idea of what was going on, but I am too sick and emotionally distrauught to write right now. Maybe tomorrow, I will feel better. I keep telling myself that, maybe tomorrow I will feel better