Two days later, certitude growing

Two days later, certitude growing that I want a complete body gender change. I no longer shave my legs and armpits, and while that would have grossed me out a year ago, I now admire it. I also am visualizing myself with facial hair, and to be honest, I like it! Especially since the goddamned fuckers destroyed the only feminine facial characteristics that I had. But more than anything else, it is just the desire to get out of this fat, soft body. I am so miserable in it. I long to be physical, hard and muscular. There is no way I can do any kind of workout regimen right now. I am so low energy and sick, I can barely move, especially whn the viral downloads hit. But I have to believe that the reptilians/satanists aren't going to be around much longer--their enemies are on the way--the stupid dumbasses who look to migrate to Orion or wherever else they want to go, are going to have to leave soon. I SURE AS HELL WON'T BE GOING WITH THEM!! Fuck ascension or "going on a crusade" (can tell the Templar mythology is embedded in it). I'd rather die on Earth, and to be honest, as miserable as I am in this fat, mutilated body, I'd rather die sooner than later. All I can hope for is that if the reptilians/satanists leave, I might slowly begin a process of healing--but how fat will I be when that happens? I am being given hormones that literally dissolves my muscle to fat. I tried to work out, but I have worked out for years and now how my muscles respond, and I am suffering from weird tendonitis in my arms, legs and joints--my whole body is fucked up. I am like a survivor from an Inquisitor's rack--instead of being stretched to the point of twisted muscle and joint, I have been mutilated and chopped, and none of my muscles are where there are supposed to be. I don't know what they did with my stomach muscles. I literally could not do any sit ups--it is like my stomach muscles are gone--maybe they were too hard and muscular for the luciferian Mengelians who cut on me. I also find it difficult to walk--my back is never right, and I find the back pain becoming unbearable after standing for brief periods. I try not to be depressed about my poor body, and the torture, suffering, and mutilation endures, but i just have no energy to fight back. Maybe I do need thyroid. I don't think so. I need testosterone--huge amounts of it. I just have to hang in there for a little while, or maybe a long while. Don't feel well--gues that will be true for rest of life.