Unable to sleep in this miserable body

Unable to sleep in this miserable body--nothing seems to be fitting together right. Asthmatic--but I can't tell if it is because my spinal vertebra is messed up or my swollen belly is putting pressure on my diapragm. Because the fucking sirian pigs took out all my abodominals, they have left my stomach in an obese pot bbelly. Basically I am losing space because of the muscle loss, so that the fat has to fit into a smaller space. The chest is lifted out, no doubt because the fucking idiots wanted to try to elevate the boobs they totally destroyed when they removed the pec muscles. doesn't work. I have a large chest, but i no longer have the rib cage to carry it. doesnt do anything for my boobs either--still manboobs with no cleavage. My arms are jerked back in some kind of neanderthal position and suffer from constant numbness. I can't sleep on my back because my lower back is in some kind of pain I have never felt before, and not correctly laying flat. I have to sleep on my side which is harder on my arms. My legs are not fitting in my pelvic girdle right and both legs just go out on me, at any time. I feel like a misshapen, ill-fitting doll that is broken over and over, and glued together again by a bunch of deranged mad scientists. Not far from the truth, except I'm no doll. I have more reality than the sick pricks who have made my life hell.

I am worried that my inability to sleep may also be intuition sounding alarms. Even though it seems that Gabby Gifford is going to be fine, I am worried about Hillary Clinton who is out of the country. She is the one who can lead the country out of this current mess, and it's not just my country I worry about. I want to get out of this hell that is my life. But I don't have that sinking, sickening feeling I get when real tragedy strikes--just a fear something is wrong. I can't pray in the miserable, drugged mess I am in. I am so uncomfortable in this fat body, I can't even just lay down and think. The mind either needs to think or be asleep. It can't stand to be just awake, feeling how miserable, ill-fitting and out of sorts it is.