Have spent all day crying

Have spent all day crying--think the fucking religionist assholes have me drugged on something else. But their drugs isnt causing the constant back and neck pain I suffer from. Am I going to be in this pain for the rest of my life. I dont know. I dont see how i can geta roun d the fact that my body is so mutilated it will never work properly again. hurts to write this--too much strain on shoulders, neck and back. hurts to read. need to rest shoulders. want to exercise but am afraid i am in too much upper back pain to enjoy riding a bike. God--what a hell of a way to celebrate the New Year---praying for an end to my worthless, fucked up, pain-wracked life...don't care. Im glad that the rest of the world has something to celebrate--really--but ive done what i came to do and I want to exit, now todayk tonite, any time soon. have no reason to live whatsoever. pain is no way to live