another day from hell

another day from hell--so sick i can barely stand. on some kind of fucked up psychotropic. motherfucking assholes playing games. not only do i have fucking demons to contend with, i cant get any help from would be allies, who once again, (my guess is its military) have sold me out to the fucking religionists because they cant accept, wont accept a person living fullness of life. how much longer do i got go thru this shit. think i know where luciferian evil spirit of deception is getting his material that has all these goddamned fascists excited to see me mutilated and cut off so they can have a femmebot girl they can worship. Never, never would i have gone thru the hell i have if i were in a man's body. sure it would have been tough, but i would have been given the respect to define myself. nothing for it. nothing i can do about it. world is in crisis. i dont make reality or decisions. i can only do to keep my freedom of will in spirit in this hell i live in. it is bad enough that i got to fight a mother fucking king kong of an evil prince--to do so with no support at the human level, that is worse, but such has been my life for years now. i think the motherfuckers think i am going to have some kind of conversion experience and come back to the dead, patriarchal misogynistic ch8urhch that sold me out in the first place. no fucking way. but military is a major player again, and they dont like us queer people. they like that patriarchal misogyunistic religion that has led to mind controlled religionists. well, i am so tired of suffering, but nothing i can do but wait. suffer. wait. suffer. wait. until these motherfuckers accept my freedom of choice and self-detemrination. wont happen anytime soon.


a lil later--realized drugs and implants got me in psychotic state. military or religionists (except of satanic variety) not doing that. know im not making sense. but that is an accurate documentation of how i feel. have to get up to slam some vodka, the body/brain cannot bear this level of psychosis. just one word to my tormentors. my brain may be fucked but my holy spirit doesnt live in my brain...