Woke up about 4 in the morning with the most nauseating and painful, classic migraine that I have had in years. I knew immediately that it was because of too much estrogen in my system. I am taking an herbal estrogen blocker and herbal testosterone, but they are practically worthless. I think that hormonal receptors for testosterone has been switched off. My body is growning fatter with each day, and I cannot bear to touch my own body--grosses me out to feel the soft squishy skin, when for years I had a hard body. The estrogen is also playing havoc with my energy levels--basically I have none. I find it difficult to do anything at all--no stick to it. My house is a mess, and I am depressed and low energy to give a fuck. The worst part though is that my intellect and creativity have been severely handicapped. I just can't think, and follow an idea like I am used to. I think, but in spurts. I can't sit down and pursue the idea to the conclusion. Anyway, it doesnt matter. I just ate a doughnut--body has no energy so it craves sugar. Tired of fighting for a body that I will never be proud or happy to be in ever again. WTF. I am already miserable beyond belief, why not be miserable and fat? MNy body will never be healthy again. I also have lost all ability to give out in creative life force. I have nothing to give. so all you boys and girls lookkng for a teat, look somewhere else, nothing here to give.
Could go on about Plejarans, but mind and bodyh needs rest--just not capable of focus anymore. Tjhis level of derpression is unbearable.
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