Bitter, bitter day

Bitter, bitter day, as once again, I was completely nonfunctional and negative energy due to ALL THE GODDAMNED FUCKING ESTROGEN IN MY FUCKING BODY. WHEN ARE YOU FUCKING FACTION 1 AND FACTION 2 MORONS GOING TO GET THE FUCKING PICTURE THAT I AM NOT A HORMONAL FEMALE, THAT I WANT NOTHING T0 DO WITH ANY OF YOU FUCKING SONS OF BITCHES?????

In case dear reader (and who knows--dear reader, may only be the goddamned Knights Templar and their psychic toadies of Faction 2--but I know that I have multiple remote viewers on me, so I am going to let fly), you haven't guessed it, the PENDULUM OF POWER has swung back from Faction 1 to Faction 2, no doubt assisted by my posts of the past few days. Well, guess what Faction 2 is almost as great a threat to a spiritual and free humanity as Faction 1 is. As a matter of fact, give Faction 2, 50 years, and they will every bit as hatefully evil as the reptiles. How do I know this?
Because I have already experienced them, in history, in astral travelling, and I do believe, personally. They have a very yucky spirit about them, which is why they are so eager to latch on and suck off of mine. Their values, methods, and lies are every bit as reprehensible as are those of Faction 1. They just need a little bit of a comfort zone...just give them a few years. Then, instead of your sons and daughters being possessed and raped by reptile shape shifters, your sons and daughters will be astrally raped and astrally mutilated by Faction 2 powermongers.

Make no mistake--it is power that they are after, controlling power, and Faction 2 humans have been involved from the very beginning in the series of mutilations that I have experienced. Why? So I can meet their expectation of a saint--well guess what, assholes, I am much too big, even whittled down to a stump, to ever fit into your little box of defined sanctity and spirituality. I have been thinking on my dream from last night, for make no mistake, it was Faction 2 reps who tried to trick me into signing a contract last night (that is devil work--trying to get someone commit to a binding contract in their unconscious, and not consciously), but even in my dream, it was clear to me that I had no business living in the tiny, squalid house in which you would confine me. Another thing I am remembering from that dream, now that I think on it--the married couple that came to ensnare me were terrified. I can only guess that a cosmic spiritual battle was going on, and the smoke were the evil spirits and the fire trucks were the good spirits. Now, if I remember the dream right, I was wanting to stand there and watch the fire trucks come out. I may even have joined them. I heard the married couple say, "You are going to get run over", and while I had a healthy respect for the trucks, and moved with alacrity, I wasn't afraid. If I didn't join the trucks in dousing the fire, I think I could have. Instead, when I looked in on these self-acclaimed human occultists and astral travellers, they were clinging to the outside wall of the house, cringing in terror. Why? There was nothing of which to be terrified. Maybe it is because I have no fear of death that I don't have that terror (and no, I would never tempt God or fate--its just that when it is my time, it is my time). However, I think it is a lack of true faith and depth of spirit. They fear death, because they don't live life fully. They don't live life fully because they are hung up on power and control trips, rigid and predetermined expectations, and because, just like the reptiles, they won't take responsibility for their own spiritual life, but want a bigger spirit from which to leech--and unfortunately, that would be ME. I am not living a full life now--the constant drugs and unnatural hormonal doping have served to deprive me of my fullness of life, but even your actions and beliefs--robbing me of my physical being and beauty, wanting to force me into celibacy (no fullness of life there--guarantee it), show that you are not even ready to live in fullness of life--so you find someone on which you can parasitically leech. #Well, guess what assholes--thanks to you and your Sirian mentors (wherever they are now), I don't have any emotional, physical, or spiritual energy available to give ANYONE, and I never will as long as I am kept in this hateful state of estrogen dominance and lack of physical vitality (and I don't think I will ever be physically vital again, as long as I live in this fat, muscleless slug of a body--funny thing--my body, which before never could stand sugar, is now craving it. My body is RUINED, and for all you idealistic true believers out there, understand, it is every bit as much the fault of Faction 2 as Faction 1. There is scant difference between them.

So why do all these religionists (and yes, I would consider Faction 2--occultists and Knights Templar to be religionists, even if they are not orthodoxly so--though many would cling to institutional religious rites) keep trying to force me to fit into their teeny-tiny model of holiness? Because MACHINE-RA has put an evil spirit of deception within me, and I even think I know from whom MACHINE-RA is getting its/his material--St. Therese of Liseux.

Now, St. Therese was an authentic giant of a saint, but in a very small container. She led an entirely sheltered and loved life, and entered the monastery at 15, and died at 24. She did reach a profound level of holiness, and if you look in her eyes during the last year of her life, you can see that, like me, she was struggling with evil on a very cosmic level. Now, what makes a person a saint is that they are capable of living a fullness of life, they are fully individuated, with unique, strong, and charismatically unselfconscious personalities. Thus, the biography of every real saint is worth reading, because every one of them is a great role model in how to be human (instead nowadays, our role models are small and pitifully empty lives who parade out their superficiality in bling, and glitz and wisecracking self-importance for the camera or microphone ...really sad). However, nothing ruins the tradition of sanctity like mind-control religion--they turn vibrant and wild personalities (including that of Jesus) into tame models of saccharine niceness (there is nothing "nice" about the call or fruits of holiness). St. Therese was reared in such an atmosphere, both in her youth and in the convent, so I think it a miracle that she ever did develop into such a great mystic (and she was). It also is the reason that her autobiography seems so pietistic and sentimental--a complete turn-off for many in the modern, secular world. Yet she was one of the great saints, and I have known it for years, ever since I read her autobiography in college.

I read many spiritual biographies and autobiographies in my early adulthood, and some of them were great, some were mediocre, and some were lousy. From my first reading of her, I had great regard for St. Therese, and thought she deserved the accolades she received, unlike many of my liberal peers in the Church who were more into an activist spirituality. The conservatives, with their religionist tendencies have always found her unquestioning, childlike obedience and simple sentimentality vague and comforting, which is what they want from religion anyway. However, though I could tell that she was indeed a great mystic, fighting evil on the deepest of 3D human levels, I never really developed an affinity for, or close identity with her, as I did with some other great mystics--Thomas Merton, Simone Weil, St. Teresa of Avila, Teilhard de Chardin--come to mind off the top of my head. These mystics were all very involved with the world (even though Merton and St. Teresa were cloistered). St. Therese lived in a very small, but very, very deep world. While there is no doubt that St. Therese would have been a saint under any circumstances, she was a child of her environment which was highly sheltered and free of external hardship. Thus, when I initially read her, I really did respect her, but her autobiography really didn't impact or feed my life, like others have done. I didn't keep images from her story in my head, or use them to inspire my own personal spirituality, as I did with so many other books and saints. As a matter of fact, I still don't. If somebody were to splash me with water, or give me some power-tripping directive, or refuse to let me be a priest, I would let them know what I was thinking!!!

So, imagine my surprise, when all of a sudden, the life of Therese of Liseux really impacted me in my prayers (I used to pray nearly every day), and it was weird how it happened. It was after I had moved to Colorado, and quite a few years after I had read her autobiography. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I know now that MACHINE-RA was downloading into my mind in the earliest years in Colorado, but I didn't know it at the time, as I do now in hindsight. I remember I was on retreat at Pecos, when all I just got this overwhelming sense that I was supposed to become like Therese of Liseux, which to be honest was and is quite impossible--at the time I was already at the age at which she died. Now, normally, when I receive impressions in prayer, they seem to come naturally from inside me--this felt imposed upon me from the outside, and, even know seems ridiculous. Those who have read St Therese and have read my writings will understand why--there is a huge chasm between her life and gifts, and mine--except that we both follow the Lord Jesus in our own way. This "imposition" of St. Therese lasted for years (of course, I left Colorado after a couple of years, and returned to secular life with a complete embrace--the happiest years of my life), although of course, it was on an off. It returned again, when I returned again to Colorado--which of course opened me up once more to the machinations of MACHINE-RA. I was living about 15 miles from Crestone, Maurice Strong, and (no doubt in my mind--MACHINE-RA), and was in prayer, when I felt as though St. Therese was talking to me. I remember it was an extremely windy day and I felt out of sorts (I know now that is an indicator of likely alien activity in the skies above). Now being a Catholic at the time, and believing in the communion of saints, it didn't bother me that a presence identifying itself as St. Therese wanted to talk to me. So, I inwardly consented, and then heard 3 sharp, loud raps in my apartment. Well, that shut me down in a hurry--I don't go for the spooky stuff. I know that it may be a benevolent entity, but chances are, even more likely, that it is a malevolent entity, and I just am not going to take that chance. Looking back on it, and remembering the unusual extreme winds we had that day, I think I was right.

When I left Colorado, and moved here, the St. Therese thoughts kept interfering with me--never in an instructional or inspirational way (I have a whole stock of stories from various saints in my head, but none of them are from Therese), but rather in an imposing kind of identity way. I kept getting the message or sense in my dreams or in unconscious reverie that I was supposed to be like St. Therese of Liseux. This of course, is impossible. Given the occult and sexual abuse that I endured as a child, the family and social abuses that I experienced daily, and my difficulty with self-identity and sexuality issues ensured that I would never be a naive girl-child trusting in the goodness of priestly fathers and happy to life a life of obedience to a spiritually immature and emotionally frustrated superior (Therese entered a very mediocre convent). This culminated in a visit to St. Therese's coffin, when it was on display for the faithful back in 2001 or 2002. I remember, it was a powerful experience, which at the time, didn't bother me--I believe in the power of saints.

Coincidentally, it was about time that I started having bad dreams (I remember waking up after one dream, of some kind of a sacrifice -- a woman raped and slit open from sternum to pubis, and saying, "Therese never had dreams like that"), dreams of demons, and yes, even a dream of then-Cardinal Ratzinger. The dream regarding Ratzinger was pretty minimalist--as best I can remember, someone told me to enter his bedroom, and as a single female in a celibate's room, I was uncomfortable doing so. He was amused by my discomfort, reading a book, and wearing red sneakers. At the time, I didn't know that he was an evil satanist; I just thought he was a rigid, conservative prick whose views and values of Christian faith were 180 degrees different than mine. I know now that that dream told me that Ratzinger was involved in my life, via astral abductions. I probably was the woman who was sacrificed, and the slit along my body probably indicated the placement of rudimentary etheric implants of MACHINE-RA. Ratzinger had learned of my nighttime ramblings through the illegal interference and videocam spyware placed in my residence, first by the SLI of Crestone, and then Opus Dei (rogue intelligence and security) operatives.

I do apologize for this lengthy discourse, but it leads me to a recent insight that I had. I think St. Therese of Liseux's brain was plugged into MACHINE-RA, and MACHINE-RA downloaded a lot of her thoughts and dialogs from the holographic images stored in the memory of her brain, and which could be stimulated to fantasize in response to new situations. I think that MACHINE-RA had quite a few decades of enjoyment romping around in her brain, but then MACHINE-RA decided to release her, which was why her body was exhumed. Of course Ratzinger, the Jesuits and many of the Vatican hierarchs know the dirty secret about MACHINE-RA, and the way It/He loves to feed from great spiritual brains. I don't know if there is a natural decomposition to a plugged-in brain residing in a corpse--I sure hope so; it really bothers me to think that the brain and soul of a great saint could be trapped in such a purgatory for years on end. Anyway, they would have had an occult devotee (if not Ratzinger himself) in charge of the exhumation and/or termination of brain from MACHINE_RA. Did they do this as a mercy to Therese. No, I don't think so. I think they did it, because they had identified the next great saint for MACHINE-RA to possess and exploit--ME, and I think my dream of the sacrificed woman, was some kind of occult possession ritual in which they placed an evil spirit of deception (not the Orion evil spirit which of course they recognized as being there, and venerating it as their lord, butyet another one, so that I have two evil spirits in me). Etheric implants make it much easier for MACHINE-RA to read and impart thoughts and images in my head, but only when I sleep, because consciously, I am too spiritually powerful to allow them any free reign.

How did St. Therese become plugged in? The apostate worship of MACHINE-RA has secretly coexisted with the worship of the faithful, since the very beginning of the early Church. First, it came through the Essenes and Gnostic, then later the Mithraists who are responsible for so much of the "empire elements" of the Roman Catholic tradition. However, the cult of MACHINE-RA got a big boost in the late 19th century when an evil priest, Sauniere, dug up hidden Templar treasure, consisting of documents and something that made Sauniere extremely wealthy. This happened in the late 1880's in a village in southern France. Therese's convent was about 200 miles away in Normandy; however Normandy is relatively close to Paris, and Sauniere was a frequent visitor to high ranking prelates in Paris. Therese died in 1897. However, her reputation in holiness preceded her death by a few years. As a matter of fact, she was ordered to write her her autobiography by superiors, because they already recognized that she was a great saint. Now the circles of those committed to religious life (especially monastics) are small. Occultists and satanists are always on the lookout for innocent and/or holy individuals. They feed from these great spirits, parasitically receiving what they lack in themselves. It wasn't long before Sauniere and his own little circle of evil clerics in Paris, found out about this holy, little girl-woman child of a nun in Liseux, and decided to sacrifice her.

I know this is a leap, but I think that MACHINE-RA has been stealing holographic brain images, memories, and souls from our corpses for centuries now. I further think that Sauniere and his occult clique were eager to show devotion to their new Lord, MACHINE-RA, and wanted to give him the best brain of the most holy saint in France at that time--St. Therese. Because high ranking prelates have always been involved as devotees of MACHINE-RA, they would have had access to Therese's corpse--the women of the convent would have had no say regarding anything a male hierarch chose to do with the body. I really don't think that Therese is still plugged into the brain. About the time I was having dreams of Ratzinger, the sacrificed woman, and demons, Therese's body was exhumed. I think it was because Ratzinger/MACHINE-RA had identified a new consort for the amusement of MACHINE-RA--me. They had to be very disappointed, when they realized that I was not an innocent, naive, femme girl type. So they began downloading all these thoughts and words and memories from Therese's holographic brain into mine, but even though, I feel this forced imposition on me at times that I am called to be like Therese, it really doesn't feel like me at all. There are a dozen saints who I find more naturally inspiring and similar to my personality.

I invite the reader to just check out Therese on Wiki to get a brief glimpse of her personality. I have a feeling that all the channeling I am doing in my sleep, are downloads from Therese's brain into mine, as MACHINE-RA prepares me to be IT'S/HIS next consort. Therese did have a charming personality and profound spirit, but I am not her, and all their attempts to force that personality and body on me are absolutely hateful and alien to me. For all those religionists utterly charmed by my channeling, I invite you to read Therese's autobiography. She was a holy mystic for sure, but her holiness is not my holiness, and if you were seriously interested in the spiritual path, you would know that. At the very least, you would recognize the first axiom of holiness--the imperative of someone's chosen identity and self-determination. Over the years, I have had many priests and prelates manipulate me from behind the scenes, but NOT ONE, NOT ONE, ever had the manhood to work with me as an equal, to really relate to me as WHO I AM. No, they all want to project their expectations on me, and guess what people, anyone who chooses to relate to someone in the unconscious state, and not the conscious state, is guilty of grievous and selfish sin--and also cowardice, because when you really relate to someone in their chosen self-identity, they may not like or appreciate you, but in their sleep, you can control them, just like you can control a little kid. There is nothing more appealing to us than unconscious innocence, and when the words that come out of the mouth are so beautiful (do you people realize MACHINE-RA has the words and memories of dozens of mystics and saints on file to download at will?), it is very easy to project your own needs onto the unconscious innocent. But it is like masturbating to a fantasy--you can control it, whereas in real life, the person has sovereignty and preferences and choices that you might not like. I have spent years screaming and yelling that I am not who you religionists think I am. Now you have hormonally castrated my energy, and left my body so chopped up that I don't even recognize it, but you keep on listening to that evil channelling, and I think you are fooled, because I think it came from a real saint. But Therese is not me, and my way of sanctity is not hers. I am not even CLOSE to pursuing a life of sanctity--my basic needs are not even met, and now you have totally destroyed my self-image and self-esteem, but I know you won't listen.

I know that you will continue to manipulate my mind just like you have done the past two nights (the dream I relayed was real--I don't spread the imposed bullshit and lies). That is what Faction 2 will do for America--do mind control brainwashing, and they are looking to take control of the political scene again, but more on that tomorrow--just thinking about the hell that I have been through while some MACHINE gets me to be like his favorite "consort" depresses the hell out of me. The only good thing is that I think Therese is now free. I am working to make sure that this brain and sould theft never happens again, but I am not getting any support from anywhere--just a bunch of spiritual leeches hanging on my every astral word--read the spiritual classics, develop your own spiritual life, then you will know the difference between a truth and a lie, between a holy life and evil possession...