Friday, March 30, 2012
I AM A MAN, THAT IS WHAT I AM, GODDAMMIT IT!
I AM A MAN, THAT IS WHAT I AM, GODDAMMIT IT! I could shout that out ten million times, God knows that I have written it enough, but the goddamned evil occult factions and their minions that run this planet (and they are the majority, not the minority), just don't get the message, and keep doing everything possible to force being female down my throat. Why? Is it because of some great love for the feminine, some desire to see a feminine leader rise up to lead the masses of downtrodden females, reduced to near slave status, back to a full sense of personhood? NO!!! The entire point and purpose of forcing this feminine body on me through torture and mutilation, and attempting to force a feminine self identity, through massive amounts of hormones (which never works, because it only makes me so ill that I become barely functional), is to keep not only the feminine enslaved, but also the masculine; indeed the entire planet. In short, the entities and individuals responsible for the never ending mutilations, drugs, and torture, forced upon me, just want to maintain the same old status quo--with just a few tweaks, of course. So it was that yesterday, after yet another encounter with the enemy AND success, gaining codes and frequencies, that I finally hoped that one of the dozen or so factions with technological access to interdimensional portals would help me with the boost I need BECAUSE MY OWN BODY WAS DELIBERATELY CRIPPLED BY OTHER OCCULT FACTIONS TO ENSURE THAT I NEVER ASCEND ON MY OWN. However, it was more of the same game playing, BUT NOT UNTIL they got their hands on some of my personal brain frequencies recordings. Now, why the occultists and aliens covet those is a huge revelation in and of itself, but wait, dear reader, you will learn why, very soon--maybe as soon as I finish venting in this post. Let us just say those frequencies recordings have proved themselves to be worth a lot of money--millions in fact, and ransom for the life of my child. However, that was never really an option, and I deduced from the web that what they really wanted, was a female psychic to hold the Earth's wounded and conflicted energies, together. Now, this sounds like a laudable vocation, does it not? It IS a laudable vocation, for someone who is CALLED to it, and GIFTED to feel fulfilled by such a sacrifice. And, "That ain't me babe, no, no, no, it ain't me, babe". First of all, let me say, such a vocation requires a very and utter feminine personality--someone who is basically tied as a purely receptive medium, to the frequencies of the planet and MACHINE, with the self-sacrificing, loving energies of a mother to a very young child. Ask any mother how they feel after giving total attention to a toddler all day long, and you will realize that such a person is indeed a rarity, but they do exist, as a small cadre now, in "shifts", with duties interspersed with other activities and human encounters to prevent total brain fry. So, from the very beginning, let me emphatically insist that I am not such a feminine personality. Yes, I can be very receptive, and child like when I am force fed major hormones, but I wake up either sick or enraged, for such a state is not that of my self identity or personality--it is that of a toddler child, who because of his autism, literally had his brain still in the womb environment. It is WRONG to force someone to live out their brain in a fetal state, in order to be used. In effect, I would be harvested for the stem cells of my brain. FUCK THAT, GODDAMNED IT! You know, I worked really hard for many years to develop an acceptably feminine personality and characteristics, and given that I was treated like a female (an inferior being with no say so in my own self-identity), it is not surprising that I finally succeeded in some small measure, but make no mistake, what the occult is really after is not a feminine woman. Hell, they couldn't handle a woman like me!! I'd be Jane Fonda, Hillary Clinton, and Beatrix Kiddo all rolled into one! How would you like me to caress your balls, 'daddy'? (Oh, and by the way, all three of those ladies are great heroines of mine. Like all great heroes, they make mistakes, but their greatness of personal achievement and resolve supersedes the mistakes). No, what the occult really wants is the three year old autistic boy, who was ritually and literally fucked by both his mother and father, prior to having his hands placed on the occult crystal skull. You think such an experience wouldn't make someone highly receptive as a medium? Sure, it would, but I am NOT the autistic four year old boy that I was for a brief moment in time. I learned to read and think, and at age 13 or so, got a huge boost of testosterone which enabled me to function in the world. I developed a sense of self and became an individual, with a unique, if different and often misunderstood personality, which provided not only great and salubrious joy and benefit to myself, but to many others with whom I came into contact. I was able to hold on to my self-identity, even for the first few years of drugging, abuse, incarceration, and torture. Even now, consciously, my interior sense of self as a male is strong; what has changed is my once comfortable self-accommodation with inhabiting a female body. It used to be a strong, proud, muscular body, but now it is just an object for nightly mutilation, rape and abuse. Now it no longer belongs to my masculine self, but rather is in the hands of the occult males, who abuse it as a weapon to force me to accept THEIR self-determination of my own identity. Well, it ain't gonna happen. Homey don't play that shit. You can fucking torture me all you want, and you had a lot of fun doing it last night, when I ended up vomiting from the pain caused by the Amon RA spider band around my head, but you won't win. Like all victims of severe torture, you CAN break me; I will cooperate BRIEFLY, but sooner or later, until I die, the need to re-assert my soul, my spirit, my God-given sense of self and dignity, will get the energy to lift up again, and every step of the way, I will clamor for justice--not only for me, but for all. I know who was responsible for torturing me last night. I know both the alien neighbor who was involved. (the same one who, while acting as my "protector" in the astral realm "accidentally" nearly strangled me in an elevator--real "manhood" in these aliens, let me tell you), and the faction of the occult that is involved. As I wrote in a recent post, I think that I am in the prototype of a "new", Faction 2 "matrix" (which everyone should know by now is code for virtual reality prison). In short, if the occultists have their way, there will be an entire new "matrix". BIG HEADS UP: FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN OF IT, IT SUCKS BIG TIME! If you don't want to take my word for it, remember who the programmers are--the same Faction 2 which brought the misery of WWII and the escape of Vosk the time traveller, to this Earth. Anyway, their proposed matrix programming has huge holes in it--that is why they want to sacrifice me as a "alter crystal skull" to help hold all their shit programming together. FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! There is actually a scene from the second, "The Prisoner" TV series that describes exactly what is happening. "The Prisoner" is another example of a Matrix prototype. I like the first one better, because I identity with the protagonist more, and he was real mensch too (I read an interview of him--a bygone legacy from the days when acting was still a profession of character, and not dunking for occult apples). However, it is the second series that has the image I am looking for. There is some woman, who acts as a medium, but has to be artificially kept asleep. Apparently, the Matrix programming only works if she psychically holds everything together in her sleep. For the brief period she awakens, literal, physical holes start engulfing the virtual reality. Well, I was so drugged this morning, I could not wake up, but I feel as though, the drugging was artificial, and Faction 2 was trying to imprison me to the MACHINE, so their fucking, piece of shit, slave prison VR could hold. You know, there is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that could compel me to cooperate with this infernal occult, looking to extend the Matrix slave hold over humanity for God knows how long. I despise Faction 2 as much as I despise Faction 1. Both of these occult factions are evil, corrupt, rotten to the core, and I really believe that the future holds a genuine change from all this occult shit. On a day like today, after a night of suffering and torture, like last night, I just don't know if I will live to see it, although I can guarantee that I will not sell it out. Suffering is not the answer. You know, while I was in my drug reverie, this morning, I got hit with a personal insight--one of my "pings". I heard the words, "two men cannot live in one body". Now, the more I think on that, the more I think that is my problem. You see, my chromosome type is XYY. I have an extra Y chromosome, which happens occasionally in the male population, but I would guess is extremely rare in those who present with an intersexed, female body type. Now the extra Y chromosome in males is not really an indicator of any disability except ADD and ADHD (and boy, do I got that). It also is documented to be relevant to higher levels of aggressiveness, and purportedly disproportionately high in prison population (aaah, i see--this is why I can't escape my VR prison--it is that damned extra y chromosome :). Actually however, I think the extra Y chromosome DOES play a role, but a more psychological role. Now, I always hate it when people start basing gender differences on biology, because any kind of classification and/or typing always will do injustice to the beauty and richness of the individuated human person. However, I do think that there is some validity to using it as a baseline, and so, let me touch briefly on how I see the chromosomal differences playing out in males and females. Females are XX, and males are XY, and of course, the intersexed conditions throw all kinds of variations in the mix. However, as I look at the basic types, I perceive that females have an innate harmoniousness and sense of cooperation in their bodily blueprint, that I think plays out in the larger world. However, the males do not. They have a clashing or conflicting blueprint, and the "Y" or male code has to differentiate, or at some point in their development, even "compete" with that X or female code, in order to develop into a healthy being. I for one, failed miserably at that in the womb, which is why I was born disabled with autism, and suffer so much now. However, my inner voice did not tell me that my problem was my fetal failure to execute the Y code; no, my problem is that two men are living inside of me. I think that refers back to the double Y chromosomes. Since it is in the nature of the Y code to compete, to strive for dominance, and especially when the male is struggling to assert its God-given identity, against an overpowering pull back into the feminine, it would make sense that I am experiencing a monumental clash between two male identities in my inner psyche. Now, I have known this for some time. This is why I keep telling myself, that I "need to embrace my inner shadow", which is a Jungian term, meaning you accept the part of yourself that you project onto others. This projection of our "shadow" is done by everyone, but it tends to play out along racial or gender (or conceivably in the near future), perhaps "species" divides. As a White person, my shadow will image itself in my unconscious as "Black". There are several reasons why I intuitively know that I need to develop a "residual body image" of a Black man, and one of those reasons is that I need to embrace my shadow. However, the other Y "consciousness" or "psuedo-consciousness" is not going down without a fight. These two Y's are competing with each other, and so what happens, when they compete, instead of cooperate? Why, the X wins, I devolve into a helpless, dependent female state (I can never be a healthy and strong feminine personality) and I am even more miserable and hopeless, until the Y's have had enough, make peace long enough to break free, until they start competing again). Now, how exactly I would personify these "Y" personalities I do not know--self and shadow, ego and superego (in my teens, one of my Y's was definitely my interior father--now he just yells at me on occasion, "quit listening to 'nigger' music", Vosk and Charles Lindbergh ( I am sure the latter despised the former), or maybe Osiris and Jesus--my two strongest incarnations. They took two separate ways--Osiris the warrior, and Jesus the peacemaker who attempted to definitively change reality through suffering and sacrifice. Jesus couldn't have known what I know now--that suffering and sacrifice, while laudable, only makes the occult's power even greater. So, who are these two men fighting inside of me, and responsible for constantly flipping me over into the X camp? I don't know, but I will be thinking on it.