now, i know that Christians say suffering is redemptive, and that is true, but there are a lot better ways at effecting redemption than thru suffering and death. as a matter of fact, the occult reptiles/dragons of both faction 1 and faction 2 thrive and feed off suffering. even when i was a christian, i couldnt understand why so many people were hung up on the passion. I paid homage to the passion during holy week, and the rest of my christian life, i focussed on the teachings of Jesus. Jesus taught for three years. the passion was three days. people, like mel gibson, who get all caught up in the suffering of the crucifixion are really sick--and that includes a lot of Christians.
Had Jesus taken off, to wherever a loyalist band (Mary Magdalen and disciples NOT named in the bible) wanted him to go, he could have left a more true legacy, expiating his guilt of being deceived, by proclaiming the truth. by his premature death, the MACHINE and its religionist mind control devotees were able to hijack his teachings. i haven't spoken much about it, but I think Paul was a huge contributor to that mind control setting. i have recognized paul as the third leg of the triad, which the MACHINE and its genetic manipulators use to control great souls and history. he was a grey hybrid, who probably never knew a day of real love and acceptance. i can say that because i have seen the grey hybrid that is waiting to pick up the pieces and destroy my vision of reality, should the MACHINE succeed in destroying me. i think after Jesus' death, the MACHINE was able to download a lot of Jesus' teachings and essence (but not all--you can download knowledge, but not love) into Paul, and while this had a powerfully transformative effective on Paul, he never loved as Jesus did. his own personal guilt and the negative attitude he had towards women and sexuality, were an integral part of MACHINE-RA's plan for the new religiuos institution that IT had planned for the new millennia, and so that stayed. I dont know if it is Paul's karma that is causing me to masochistically allow punishment of myself by my torturers, or if it is Jesus, but I think it is Paul. in the end, it is paul who had the heavy negative effect on humanity through his warped understanding of Jesus' teachings. he never knew Jesus. he only knew what the MACHINE wanted him to know, and needless to say, that is an unreliable witness, and that is why the negative attitude towards the feminine and sexuality prevails, and that is why i keep looking to expiate that misogynistic guilt by astrally insisting i am female. enough of the suffering. enough of the guilt. enough of the expiation. enough of Paul. i am tired of carrying his karma around. iwant to be me--A BLACK MAN.
somehow, i have to break free, yet i am so sick that i can barely move. too sick to watch tv, or evne sit on front porch--too autistic to llook at cars go by. nausea and sick stomach. i know that a huge mother oedipal complex is part of this. it goes back thru multiple incarnations, not only Jesus, but Alexander the Great, etc. i have identified about 12-12 past lives--all of them male, except two, and those two were intersexed.
most of the rest have been as a disempowered male, often castrated, gay or very deficient. the only really strong past life i have had is that of osiris--and when he was castrated, it not only took a great man, it disempowered all of humanity. that is why i have to get back to an emowered, Black male body. just dont know how i can do it when i am so sick, and struggling all alone. but I will, so help me, God. I will.