Feeling worse

Feeling worse even though my intellect recognizes that healing is going on. I have said for years that I am autistic and that I struggled every day of my life in me teens and early 20's to successfully overcome the autism. Unfortunaely, all my hard work was overturned and undermined by the medical and government abuseI have suffered for so long. So now, I am suffering from heavy metal poisoning (caused by the govt agents trying to "make" me autistic, when I was born that way! Instead they have made me very very sick. Sick in every which way. Sick with constant headaches, and a "high" kind of feeling that makes it hard to relate to reality. Sick with constant digestive issues. Sick in the muscles and joints of my body so that I can no longer run, walk (without the "Rain Man kind of jerkiness with my quad muscles all locked), exercise, or even do yoga without great effort, sick in my emotional life as I find it harder and harder to relate to others as I wish, and sick in my psyche as I am getting stuck in obsessive compulsive loops. No I am not in a good place at all. I tell myself, "force yourself to get out of this rut<" but I am so tired of all my efforts just bringing down more abuse and higher levels of poisoning, and even further autism, that it is hard to motivate myself to do much at all. May be tomorrow. Try to sleep again with this shit all in my body keeping me awake.