Same old slave merrygoround

Same old slave merrygoround. After one day of feeling almos human, and having plans wo twake up this morning and hit thground running, instead i wake up so fucked up on psychotropic drugs that i wont even be able to surf the web. People's faces look like grimacing cartoon caricatures, whether its a grinning steroid fat face like Leborn James (dont know if the steroids are natural or illegal but hes certainly got it) or an alcohol and tear ravaged face like Lindsey Lohan. When I cant see faces except as caricatures or menacig threats Im on something serious. i knew i was on something seriouc this morning, woke up groaning again. Knew too last nite that i didnt dream, or dreams were unreachable. dreams important to me. it is how God talks to me, body talks to me figure everythin out. I wonder if im on deapakeot. deapakote messes up ability to dream. had sazame problem nite before last. woke u feeling like shit. emotionally dead (couldnt listen to music--had no meaning, no feeling) but i got out of it. not going to be abl to get out of this. ive learned over years that my body has aslow reaction to al ot of drugs. i canpersever for a while but sooner or later it cumulates makes me too sick. anyhow i could be full of rage at this, another lost da, another j piece of shit pib md poisoning me with shit. too sickto even be angry. just sickend by the waste of it all. today will be a totally worhtless day. I cant read in this state, noteven the internet (yesterdcay i was "tlantic" magaizeine all impressed by my ability to understand words. now i cant even do add surfing fo the web. cant do ANYTHING i had planeed--haircut, gym workout, truck speaders. all i can do when im this fucked up is watch tv. eyes hurt too much to keep open