risperdol

risperdol. so goddamned sick barely functional. spent most of day in bed too sick to anystimuli. eyes need to be shut. listen to music and fantasoze. rememberber risperdol from before. six weeks in fuking mental hospital. all i could do was lay in bed and fantasize. and suffer. suffering is beyond imaging. psychotic min. blank mind. no emotion. just longing for death. muscles fucked up cannot stand, barely walk. have to prop up arms to floss because arms to weak to l\floss. yep. risperdol. kicker is the high blood pressure. pibs sent scops to my door. thought the fuckers were taking me to involuntary psychiatric hospitalization, btut just did stupid shit let me go . realized what i already knew. severely autistic. cant look anyone in eye. dont want to atalk to anyone. need to talk to family about bday, but too sick to talk to anyone. really depressed. so much to do but too sick to do anythng. dreamed someone was telling me all about the renovations being done to a house, bragging as if i would be happy. in dream i was just wondering what kingd of jerk, i dont even live there. thats right u stupid fucks u r driving me insane. risperdol drives me right out of my house. got a lot going on. only thing i can do is listen to music. so sorry for all the anger i have but it is the drugs. i recognize this rage from risperdol, autism before. i want to trash my house but no k it got to live here. still good people trying to help me taking the brunt of anger directed at pibs, cops today, the high heeled shoes at zangara dog\dge/ so sorry. too sick to explain myself. brain cant think logicall . only fantasize. fortunately it is nite. fantasize all nite.