subhuman

subhuman--not only because im so sick i can barely function but because i dont care. i have no feelings, no desire of any kind except for a good friend like Chief. lobotomized in spirit and body, and if the pibs have their way in my brain. every nite the only thing i pray for is that God gives me the strength to resist their ultimate objective--plugging me into the computer that controls them, and resisting any kind of audible download so that i will channel for them. that is all. that and for a good friend like chief. I have done what i came here for, and now i just dont care. funny watching myself in relations to others. funny how someone with no sense of self has all kinds of people looking and smiling at you while they look to exploit you. i dont care. i really dont. they took away my ability to feel sexually, and as a result i dont feel emotionally or spiritually. i wish iwere healthy enough to do a little yoga. my back is really stiffening up bad. i dont have the energy to do a down dog. i cant hold myself up on my own arms. with the never ending nerve pain in my legs i cant stand long enough to do my dishes. that is okay. i no longer care about a body that no longer feels. done what i came to do, ready to go.